The Voice of Insecurity can be such a bitch

When I joined the Courage Club, I had one thing mind. 

I am going to write and sell a freaking ebook. 

I was going to write a freaking book on money and I was going to sell it. One way or another.

My boss fight?

It's the monster called insecurity.

Insecurity is the voice that tells me,  "Who are you to write and sell a book?"

Insecurity is the voice that tells me, " How could you possibly write and sell an ebook, when you've hardly finished the fanfiction you wrote and you're scaredypants of selling online?"

Insecurity is the voice that tells me, "Just who are you, really, to even dare to dream like this?"

Insecurity is a vicious bitch. 

And it's a bitch worth fighting against.

Because that bitch is a part of me.

It's something that's sitting by the corner of the deep recesses of my psyche. As Carl Jung would put it, My shadow. 

It's the voice that's afraid, because it knows that when I take the first steps, when I take the choice to make a change, it'll lose the comfortable world it's ever known--- inactivity.

And I have been inactive for years now!

By taking the first steps, by taking courage, I'm threatening the shelter it has known.

And I can't blame my insecurity. I can't blame myself.

I can only befriend myself. I can only ignore the viciousness behind its voice and gently provide what it needs most.

Reassurance. 

Reassurance that no matter what happens, I will succeed.
Reassurance that I'm doing an activity for a greater cause.
Reassurance that I will survive.
Reassurance that I will be happen.

Yes, my insecurity  needs reassurance. Before it needs reassurance from other people, I need to provide reassurance from myself first.

I know it's a weird concept that I'm treating my insecurity as something separate entity from me. Like a third party.

But I feel that the path to truly providing the safety and comfort my insecurity craves, is to assure it that there will always be someone who will cheer and support it to become even better.

Insecurity can really be a vicious bitch sometimes.

But sometimes, I think it needs to be showered with love and reassurance.

Yeah, it's a long process.

And it's a process worth working on.