What my Shih tzu's poop and pee taught me

Back in my days as a student nurse, there was a time I changed the diapers of a senior citizen. It was messy. The old man had a gastrointestinal problem. That would explain why his stool was black and tar-like in quality. As a student nurse, I had to clean my patients body fluids and discharges.

Patient vomitted?           Clean the vomitus. 

Patient defecated?         Change the diaper. 

Patient's bed is dirty?    Change the bed linen. 

I was cleaning other people's mess when I was a student nurse.

Funny thing is, I'm the exact opposite at home. I don't clean. We had a helper who did it for us.

Laundry?              Helper. 

Dirty dishes?        Helper. 

Dirty dog?            Helper. 

Dirty floor?          Helper. 

Hungry for food? Helper. 

Yes, I was dependent on our house helper. (But don't think I was dependent on everything. I know how to wash the dishes. I know how to keep the floor clean. I know how to fold clothes. I know how to laundry. I know some basic housekeeping skills, but the problem is, I don't do them because I fall into this default mode of giving the chores to the helper when they're around.)

Then five year old Paphu came.

One day, I was left alone with Paphu inside the house. Thinking that he was lonely and that he might poop if I left him unsupervised, I brought him inside my room. I prepared a newspaper-covered tray for his toilet. I placed his bed beside mine. A few hours later, this endearing dog peed and pooped in my room. 

I was alone. The room stank. My only logical choice was to clean. 

And clean, I did. 

It was unpleasant. It was enlightening. Of course, as I was cleaning, I had another epiphany. 

You want to get ahead in life? Good. Then you must be willing to put shit in your hands. You must be willing to do the dirty stuff. You must be willing to get dirty. 

The dirt I'm referring too, of course, is doing what's uncomfortable. The one's that outside your comfort zone. 

Cleaning dog pee and dog shit is very uncomfortable for me. But I chose to do it. I was alone. My house would reek dog poo and pee. I had to swallow my pride. I had to swallow my uncomfty feelings. 

This is what I learned. Be willing to get your hands dirty. Get dirty. This is an important lesson in life. 

Workout Progress #1

I'm tempted to... well, not really. I'm embarrassed to post this.It's an admission that I've added some pounds (which is true btw, but my BMI is still appropriate for my age).

This is hard because... well, I'm sort of private with posting personal photos online. I don't even post photos of myself on my facebook. I just... like to keep my privacy. It's kinda ironic though, I mean... I'm blogging some personal stuff. haha.

To make myself committed to my workouts, I'll just post some weekly shots of my.. face. This is just a documentation of my progress, given the fact that my face seems to be the first part of my face that adds fat.

Face shots are easy. Use a webcam, edit with Photoshop and voila!

What I did today (as of 6/28/16, 3:43pm) 

1. I had a 20 minute jog.
2.  I walked Paphu for 10 minutes.
3.  I ate a bunch of crap mid-morning. I drank 2 cups of coke, and ate a box of cookies that I bought at Royal Duty Free in Subic Freeport Zone.

My observations:

1. Cues are powerful
2. Willpower is a limited supply
3. "Don't drink coke" does not work at all. It's true. I could have told myself to drink water.

My Learnings

1. Continue to practice the slight edge philosophy. every little thing compounds.

Chubby and Weightlifting

Lumobo ka (you ballooned). 

You've gained a little weight. 

Want to play badminton? You're cheeks just added some fat!

Those were the words I received yesterday.

The moment I took Usana supplemenrs, I started to add some pounds on the scale.

When I chose weightlifting, the pounds began to add up.

Some friends started to comment that I was growing big.

This was the same comment I heard 2 years ago (I was also weightlifting that time), and that comment prompted me to stop.

It's hard. I used to be very thin. 46kg and 5'4. I was ecstastic when I became 50kg. I received a lot of compliments. You look better! You're cheeks are fuller! 

Of course, as I grew older, I stopped playing basketball. I abandoned the active and sporty lifestyle I favored as a child. I think that contributed to my sedentary lifestyle. It didn't help that I was a gamer and played videogames almost all the time.

Honestly, it hurts to hear those words. I'm not asking for it, but I can't stop people from verbalizing their observations. Heck, I do it too... nitpicking people, yet I choose to say positive things because I know it's inappropriate to nitpick people.

I began to research about Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS). I don't know if it's a defense mechanism or what, but this explanation has a good point.

Meanwhile, I'll follow my simple daily disciplines and watch what I eat.

My Lifetime as a gamer girl

In yesterday's post, I wrote about Lifetimes.Let me write something about being a gamer girl.

I'm still in my early twenties (okay, I think I'm in my mid-twenties now!), so let's go back in time... to the late 90s.

My first exposure to videogames was a Family Computer (FamiCom) my mom bought. I was around 4-5 years old.

source: wikipedia

I used to play hours of Super Mario and Adventure Island. After a couple of games, I noticed I had difficulty in sleeping. That ended my love affair with FamiCom.

Then when I was around 6-7 years old, I started a love affair with Sony's Playstation (PSX or PSone). My mom left me in this facility (I don't know what you call them, but there are other kids, lots of toys. that was heaven for a kid, believe me!) and that's where I met the Playstation.

After a year, my mom took me to Toy Kingdom in SM Megamall and bought me a Playstation! and I had free 20 games too!

My GOD!

I chose casual games, and they were pretty fun.

Until I bought my 21st and 22nd game (Megaman X8 and  Wild Arms 2).

Wild Arms 2 changed my life.

Source: http://sheattack.com/retro-review-wild-arms-2/

It opened to me the Japanese Role Playing Game (JRPG) genre that dazzled me for a decade!

That was year 2000 or 2001.

Since then, I've bought dozens of JRPGs and spent majority of my childhood, adolescent and teenage years playing JRPGs. I cannot count the number of hours I poured on playing games.

Then in 2004, I wanted to have a Playstation 2.... BADLY.

Final Fantasy X was very popular during this year. I was begging for my mom to buy me one.

My mom declined my request for 2 reasons:

1. Too expensive. It cost Php 17,000.00

2. She was not going to feed my addiction. I was already spending hours on my playstation. I was ignoring my mom. No way was she going to give me another reason to glue my eyes to the television.

I played JRPGs until I was 18. Then my playstation broke, and my only means to play was an esPSXE emulator.

Of course, I focused on my studies, Licensure Exam Review and Work.... I naturally grew out of my drive to purchase and play games (though I did win an Undertale Game from RPGenius! :D)

But I do still feel giddy when I hear people talk about the games I grew up.

The nostalgia is very very strong, even until now.

Would I continue to play games right now? I doubt it. I'm no longer the same person I was 8 years ago. I no longer have the patience to devote hours to play JRPGs, when I can devote the same number of hours to make personal improvements in my life. (the only games I replay are Azure Dreams, Legend of Mana, FF8 and Persona 2. I'm still looking for my Arc the Lad discs though!)

As a matter of fact, I wrote an answer in Quora, whether playing videogames are a waste of time.

Playing Videogames had an impact on my life. Being a gamer girl was my identity during those years. But being a gamer girl also is the opportunity cost of not going out there to socialize.

If I could go back in time, I wish I could have struck for a healthier school-socialize-games balanced lifestyle. But you can't turn back time.

So there you have it!

One of my life time as a gamer girl.

Lifetimes

A couple of weeks ago, I was browsing Quora answers when I stumbled upon this one.

                                                                    Original Found Here!

This simple comic reminds me of the Life Times I've had..... and my obsessions with them.

This comic actually shed some light on my mind.

That's it's alright to be constantly evolving.

That's it's okay to pursue other interests.

That my world won't end if I shut one "life time"

A responsible pet owner...not

I'm going to be honest.

I'm not a responsible pet owner.

Despite the fact that I grew up with dogs.

Despite the fact that we have a cat.

Despite the fact that we have chickens.

Why?

Because I'm not hands-on.

Because I grew up with house helpers to take care of their shit.

Because I don't want to get dirty.

....All the while  I gush over social media or friends how adorable they are.

I know it's an ugly sight to behold, but I needed to be honest with myself if I truly want to change.

Being a responsible pet owner calls for more than emotionally being attached to them.

Being a responsible pet owner is all about getting your hands dirty.... this is something I never wanted to do, until Paphu came.

So thanks little guy.

I know I still have a lot to improve, but I can always take my baby steps... my daily disciplines. One day, I'll wake up and realize how different I am from the pet owner you initially met.

I promise to take care of you. To be responsible for your health and well-being. To show you rules. To be your pack leader.

Love you, Paphu!

I ran inside NAIA terminal 3 for the first time

I learned an important lesson today.

Nothing happens unless you make it happen.

Nothing happens unless you go for it.

I arrived at NAIA Terminal 3 at 8am. My schesuled flight to my home city was 3pm. That's a 7 hour waiting period.

My roommate's flight was at 1pm, however due to her husband's motor vehicular accident, she wanted to be a Chance Passenger.

I have no qualms of trying to be a chance passenger for Philippine airlines.

But i have never tried to be one at Cebu Pacific.

Because i thought it would be such a chore, that it would be hopeless, me and my other friend waited for an hour.

What if I just tried. I have nothing to lose. 

Then my mom call, urging me to check if it was possible.

So I asked around. But my first question wasn't about being a chance passenger, it was all about the 3pm flight.

Discontent, I lined up for another 10-20 minutes, hoping.

I wasn't expecting my request to be approved, but it did.

"Your flight is now 10am. You have 9 minutes till boarding time"

It was 9:21am.

My God, that was the first time I ran inside an airport.

Thankfully, the aircraft had just arrived, so our flight was a little delayed.

But that experience taught me something.

Hesitation will get you nowhere.

It's easy to do & it's easy not to

This is an idea that stuck with me after reading Jeff Olson's book. 

And it has been excellent in helping me say no. 

For example, I promised myself not to drink coffee for a consecutive number of days. 

I can control myself. 

I struggle when I'm attending a seminar/training. It's hard to decline free flowing coffee. 

"....okay... it's easy to do... and it's easy not to"

"If I drink coffee, it will eventually become a daily simple error of judgment. And you know what happens."

Then I shift my focus. 

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. 

And that's okay.

My ff8 fanfic

I know I'm late with my fanfiction updates.

The last update I made was before I went to South Korea.

It's been a month.

Can you imagine my surprise when I received an email that someone added my story to their story alert subscription?

My fic doesn't feature a popular love team. Neither is it all sweet and romantic. It doesn't get a lot of views. It doesn't get a lot of likes. It doesn't get a lot of comments.

It's dark. It's broody.

But I'm happy that someone liked it.

A moment's reflection before you go to sleep

My work has brought me to Subic, Zambales, Philippines.

Based on what was taught to me in my elementary years, it used to be a US army base during World War 2.

My job takes me to new places, and I get to meet new people!

I'm grateful for being an Administrative Assistant... yet I know I won't be contented by being just an Admin Assistant.

What drew me to this job was the fact that I wouldn't think. The fact that someone else is doing it for me, and all I have to do is follow orders.

 But life doesn't work that way.

Somewhere, along 3.5 years of being employed by the government... I changed.

I'm starting to have bigger dreams for myself... ny future.. and my close knit circle of loved ones.

Serendipity lead me to Jeff Olson's "Slight Edge Philosophy"

Call it serendipity.

I was reading answers on Quora when I stumbled on this question, "What is the biggest polt twist in your life?"

I was hesitating to answer, so I decided to just... read.

The top answer for that question was written by Michael Stawicki from Poland.

The biggest plot twist in his life was that he became a writer, all because of... a book.

Jeff Olson's Slight Edge, to be exact.

Bookworm that I am, I downloaded an e-copy. It was going to be my next read.

Looking back, I must have thought it was another personal development book I was going to read, get hyped about... and eventually forget. I've read a couple of personal development books, and I can't remember most of what I've studied.

But Jeff's book... It's really easy to digest. It really is!

I'll write about what I learned from that book in the succeeding blog posts.

New Family Member!

He is a blessing in disguise....

....our newly adopted 5 year old Shih Tzu, Pahpu!

I was honestly surprised when my mom told me she had a new adopted dog.

I was... "Oh no, another mouth to feed!", but when I saw him for the first time, my heart melted.

How was he going to mingle with our 2 outdoor dogs and 1 indoor cat?

But he is SO SWEET! The most adorable thing ever! More adorable than our Philippine Native Cat!

Pahpu reminds me of Macky and Krystle's 2 Shih Tzu, Pim and Bam

(Pictures of Pim!)

Sadly, Pahpu is has been given a haircut, so he doesn't look that fluffy. 

But hey, his eyes are enough to melt my heart!

Can I Lift this?

I've searched countless of blogs telling me the benefits of weightlifting, or how weightlifting has changed their life.

Whenever I'm at the weights section I always go for the challenging weights.

Challeging, for me means that, "I can lift you, yet I know it won't be easy."

I scourge the dumbbells (DBs)  for the ideal weight. Some men don't know how to return dumbbells to the rack.

Finally, I grab my chosen ones and try to ignore the looks from men.

I sit, kick the DBs to my shoulders and lie down. It's Dumbbell Bench Press today. Can I lift this?

I take a deep breath. Yes, I can. and I proceed to perform my reps, no matter how challenging it is. No matter heavy it is.

Now if I can transfer this frame of mind to other aspects of my life, that would be great.

Nothing changes in your life unless you make it happen

I'm going to say it again, "Nothing is going to change unless you make it happen".

I sat down on my desk and wrote my morning pages at work when this epiphany came out of nowhere.

Where have I heard of this? Oh yeah, from Nicolas Cole.

I am currently living the life I have dreamed after passing the Nurse Licensure Exam

I do not want to be a nurse. Nurses work irregular shifts. I want a plain 8-5 job. It's routinary. I can control my own time. There's consistency... blah blah blah.

Four years later, it can be downright depressing.

Yes, I am living a routine. A monotonous one.

Weekdays: Wake up. Eat. Bathe. Go to office. Work. Lunch. Go home. Surf net. Sleep. Repeat. 

Weekends: Wake up. Surf net. Eat. Surf net. Bathe. Surf net. dinner. Sleep. Repeat

I allowed myself to be stuck in a place... that I knew was wonderful at first.

How do I get out?

1. I go to the gym after work. I enrolled for a gym membership with my officemates. Sometimes I go alone. Sometimes I go with them. I show up every other day. Lifting gives me a sense of confidence and a sense that I can achieve stuff.

2. Identify the routine. To have a clearer picture.

3. Substitute a different activity in the routine. What got you here won't get you there.

I know this isn't the answer to everything. I've discovered that life is full of surprises... like, I'd sustain a habit for 6 or 7 momths, then drop it afterwards.

A key here is to brush the dust of your shoulders everytime you fall down, stand up, and walk.

Nothing changes in your life unless you make it happen,

A game called Sailor Moon Drops

I only had 2 games installed in my smartphone:

1. 2048
2. Neko Atsume

I was the ebook type of girl. Regulated my phone. At my age, I thought games were time wasters... well, until my sister had her vacation here (she's now based abroad) and showed me this game.

I now have an addiction that I've happily indulged myself in.

I was benchpressing  20 Ibs dumbbells when the guy waiting to use it popped me this question:

"Can you lift that? Did Eric (the gym instructor) tell you to life 20 Ibs?"

I'm not suprised.

I like to lift challenging weights. 20 Ibs was an arbitrary number. 15 feels light. I couldn't find the 25 Ibs. So I stuck with 20.

20 is arbitrary. I prefer lifting something challenging. 3x5 for 20 Ibs, rather than 3x12 for 10 Ibs. I don't have the patience to do 12 reps.

And it's ironic because I went to the gym to cultivate patience and discipline.

I'm not surprised about the question. Most of the women at the gym are either running on the treadmill, zumba, on the pilates, or lifting 3 Ibs for 3x15 sets

Me?

I'd rather lift.

The joys of having gym buddies

I always went to gym alone.

Until last month.

It used to be 4 of us. Then one backed out because his girlfriend didn't want him to go the gym. Another one injured his wrist and refused to do leg exercises.

It was just me and Bogz.

Bogz is a skinny dude. We were supposed to hit the gym a year or 2 years ago. Luckily, our plans pushed through!

Bogz is skinny yet persistent. He wants to grow big. He's not always there due to work constraints, but he makes it a point to show up when he can (which is every other day). Likewise,  I'm motivated to show up too.

It sure feels great to have a gym buddy to share an experience, to laugh with, and to help!

Lessons from my short-lived episode recap blog

From March to April 2016, I established my first episode recap blog of a local series titled "Ang Probinsyano".

Yet the project was short-lived. I lost interest in the show after they killed one character I was invested in.

As I look back, I tried to glean the lessons the brief project had in my life.

1. The Law of Equivalent Exchange. This is what Edward a & Alphonse Elric forgot when they tried to revive their deceased mom in Full Metal Alchemist. This is the foundation of alchemy. This is an important food for thought in life. Anything worthwhile doing has a cost. In my case, the cost of creating and updating my recap blog was my time, sweat, concentration, effort,  hours of sleep and skipping other projects.


2. It’s fun when you people support your project. I found myself a Facebook group who were fans of the Coco Martin and Bela Padilla tandem. Some were pretty supportive of my project to document the episodes (because they could not tolerate what was happening to Carmen’s character at that time). Yep, it feels wonderful to have feedback. There was this guy who always commented on my post on that facebook page. I greatly appreciated his inputs. I also received a bunch of comments on the blog. It’s nice to hear feedback. It’s validation that there are people out there who like what I’m doing.

3. You will constantly question if it is worth it. Honestly, when you obsess about the pageviews, you will start to question if it’s worth it. This is the same trap I fell into, when I was in the webcomic scene. I stopped drawing because I found pageviews to be more important. During moments like these, it’s important to remind yourself what’s important and follow it. Page views, or a body of work? I also questioned whether someone would take time and read what I wrote. There's Iwantv.com, or some site where they can stream the shows for free. Then I recall the many recaps of Korean Drama, and latin telenovelas. Yes. There’s a market for this. And I would be the first one to cater to it.

4. It’s alright to have a crappy first draft. It was hard. Seriously. It was shit. But It had to be shit. Or else, I would have nothing to edit. I was furiously encoding while watching. I had never utilize as hard as ever, my hand-eye coordination. I was typing a mix of English, tagalog and bisaya… just to get the point across. And I did. I typed. I allowed my writing to look bad. Because I knew I would edit it later. Just like other projects, if I allowed myself to be stuck--- this needs to be perfect, then I would have never gotten the episode recap done.

5. Improvement follows after a repetition of actions. My writing improved after a week of recap. I could type quickly. I could edit quickly. My vocabulary got better. My command of verbs got better. I even had to creatively think of alternatives to "he said/she said".

6. Commitment is a choice. The first day I started, I promised myself I would post the recap blog within 2 hours after writing the draft/ watching the show. Like what? Could I really do this? I was a problematic minute-taker during the first two years of my job as an administrative assistant. Could I really do something this… outrageous? What about my grammar? Seriously, I was afraid of looking bad. But then again, I could always go back and edit it (which I never did, btw). But I told myself, I can commit at least 2 hours a night. (1 hour to watch/draft, 1-1.5hrs to improve the draft, then hit publish, come what may). The result? Yes,  before the clock hit 11pm, 98% would the entry be posted.

7. It's okay to say goodbye when you feel it's enough. I had it. The death of Bela Padilla's character also killed my interest in the show. I knew Coco Martin was going to be pushed into Maja Salvador's arms. It wasn't worth it anymore. I was skipping 8 hours of sleep a datly, hoping Bela and Coco's tandem would push through. It didn't and I quit. Time is a precious commodity. If it no longer interests you, switch to something different.

Why I quit my AP episode recap blog

I never meant that Episode recap blog to exist.

It was an accident.

You see, I was a big fan of the Coco Martin and Bela Padilla tandem. It hurt me that the writers thought of the Anne Curtis plot device to drive Padilla's character to Arjo Atayde's hands.

Unfortunately, I found the inspiration to desensitize the hurt feelings by documenting it.

It had a two-fold purpose:

1. I would improve my documentation skills (which is highly valuable in my field of work)

2. I would be the first Ang Probinsyano episode recap blogger.

I rummaged through the world wide web for AP episode recaps. Nada. Zero.

I do not have the patience to spend 30 minutes watching a show, when I could read the plot in 5 minutes.

So I did just that. I did it for myself, and for other Filipinos who shared my sentiments.

And boy, it was fun!

English isn't my native language, and I struggled in the documentation process.

I disciplined myself to edit my draft once the episode was over. I added memes. The editing process would take me almost an hour. Once I was happy, I would post it on the Cocobel Fansite at facebook, ot through my twitter account.

Majority of the traffic for that recap blog came from facebook, and I'm grateful. I also received a couple of positive feedbacks.

...until when Bela Padilla's character was killed on the April 6, 2016 episode.

I was documenting the episode on paper when she was gunned down.

Shit.

I stopped watching after that. I didn't bother to update the recap blog, nor did I leave a comment why I suddenly stopped documenting. Ack.

Though I did mean to write about it. Took me 2 months to write though!

I quit documenting because the couple I shipped.... well, they could never be. The woman was dead. The writers are now pushing the man to go after his bestfriend, who's being courted by another guy.

Yeah. It's a shallow and pathetic. If I really loved the show, then I would have kept on documenting. Ah, no.

It's not worth it anymore.

I'M back!

After going incognito for several days/weeks, I'm back!

May 2016 has been wondeful!

I spent a week offline. I went abroad to experiece a different culture. I also spend days pondering about my dreams in life, especially my career.

Have I forgot to mention that my sister has just returned for a vacation here in the Philippines after 4 years?

I have so much to blog, but too little patience to post online.

Whatever happened to my previous commitment of posting daily, 10 ideas a day, or my 10 comics a day?

Honestly, I forgot all about them the moment I went to Korea.

It's kinda sad I lost mý groove, but I've experinced and learned that this kind or relapse is part of life.

What's important is to brush the dirt off, stand up, and do your thing.

Cheers!