Something different

I need to do something different with my life.

My routine has become stale.

I need to push myself forward.

The growth killer called Ego

As a teenager, I thought I knew everything about art. That I was better than my ex-bestfriend in creating art.

I forgot that people change, and boy did we change!

Ex-bestfriend is an incredibly talented artist.

And me?

My ego stopped me from growing.

Lesson number 1: Do not let your ego think you're the best. You aren't.

4 tips on geting your job done

I was so damn tired on the night of July 24.

My head was throbbing. I wanted to do my homework. But I felt as dead as a horse. It was 8 PM.

The best course of action was to sleep and wake up at 4 AM.

Could I do it?

Nowadays, I wake up 6 AM. Often times, I panic because I have to eat and dress quickly.

Only that I'm not. Instead of quickly doing my stuff, I do them leisurely. As if I have a lot of time in my hands.

And the habit spilled over to other aspects in my life.

I used to be very punctual. Now I'm not. 

I used to be the type of person who would panic when I was not present 30 minutes to one hour before the agreed schedule. Now I'm not.

There are pros and cons when you learn to loosen yourself from such a rigid mentality. But that's my problem to deal with. Everything has pros and cons.

Surprisingly, I woke up at 4 AM, thanks to my alarm clock in the tune of Grandia's Sea Cat Restaurant Lily.  

It's the perfect tune to jump start my day. Not to heart-wrecking.  Sweet and energetic.

Before I went to sleep on the 24, I wrote on my evening pages and agreed that once I woke up, I would immediately make my bed, prep my clothes and bags, put my grocery in its storage and return my freshly pressed clothes to my drawers.

I did those in 15 minutes with ease. (yay!)

Here are some hidden games I uncovered (Sarah Blakely influence)

1. I get the job when I don't color with a negative perception. I was plain neutral about the job and attacked my tasks without thinking how much of a chore it would be, or how painful it would be. I just did it.

2. Mornings work best for doing my personal projects. One reason I'm unhappy at work could be because of my backlog of personal projects I didn't act on. I'm guilty that I work on personal projects at work (sometimes!). But by prioritizing my personal stuff in the morning, I don't get to think about it during my work hours. I now have free space to focus about work-related stuff during work hours.

3. A dipper filled with water  in my room is magic. One reason I'm always tempted to go to sleep was my eyes were still sticky. The bathroom was far far away from my room.... and there was my hungry cat that I do not want to deal with. It's next thing I do after I make my bed.

4. Blocking my bed works as well. Another reason I'm tempted to sleep is my inviting bed. Solution solved. I simply laid down my clothes and bags there. Now I have no reason to lie on it.

I don't know if these tips will work for anyone, but to people who have problems and want to get the job done, please feel free to try our my tips

On donating books and clothes

I ended up re-reading a favorite book, "Everything that remains" by Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus.

I discovered them way back in 2010 when I was still a college student. The idea of minimalism and still does.

One of the key learning I extracted from reading their blog was to prioritize the essential over the superfluous items in our life. But this is easier said than done.

How do you even know what's essential, when everything looks essential?

For me, what's essential is often marred by this quality called "nostalgia" or "sentimental value".

And this is rather dangerous, especially when yoy're trying to let go.

I have a collection of Groiler Encyclopedia my mom bought for me many years ago. I remember I devoured pages and pages of those sets. It had colorful pictures and I find world history fascinating.

One day, I hid them inside my cabinet and never looked back, until I decided to select books which to donate.

I knew I never read those books again. The decades told me so. I had never accessed them in a long time. Another important lesson I learned is that what's not important for may be important for others.

I could donate those books... but I need to deal with my mental barriers first.

"I need to ask permission from my mom". We have this agreement at home. I can dispose my stuff, as long as I inform her ehat I'm disposing.

"But where shall I donate this?" One of my problems is looking for a "where". I have books and clothes to donate... the only problem is where. Yeah, where. This is an easy problem to solve, which unfortunately, isn't easy for me.

It appears I don't want to deal with the pain of losing these beloved items, even if I haven't treated them with the love and respect I should have given them.

I hate my blog statistics

I hate to admit it, but I have a love-hate story with statistics.

This blog's statistics in particular.

It's like I'm turning the statistics into idols.

It's like I've tied the statistics with my self-worth.

It sucks.

It sucks when you're happiness is tied to something that's like the stock market.

I know.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one. Apparently, Jon Acuff experienced the same thing too.

And Jon Acuff picked up something about the same dilemma from Seth Godin.

Birds of the Same Feather

It feels amazing when you find someone whom you can connect with. 

Nyu nyu and I had a date night, where we discussed our goals, frustrations and dreams.

We've been accountability partners the moment we signed up for Arriane's Braver Days Challenge.

And it has been a fun ride!

I think Nyu and I click because we both like to write.

Both of us like to create.

We're creatives!

Can you imagine when you're surrounded by people who inspire you to be best version?

Can you imagine when you're surrounded by people who push and believe in you?

Yes, I can.

90 Braver Days Module2 Output and Realizations

I woke up on July 21, 2016, feeling fresh and hopeful.

I finished the Braver Days Road Map module 2.

I knew what I had to do for the next 90 days.

To write, publish, market and sell an ebook.... on my personal history with playing Japanese Role Playing Games.

Yes, yes.

I know.

Who would even buy a book from me?

Heck, who would even buy a book about the impact of JRPGs on someone's life?

I don't know who would. but I do know that there's someone out there.

But there is more to selling that meets the eye.

My Braver Goal is also about being comfortable about the person I am. My Braver Goal is also about fulfillment.

My Braver Goal is something worth fighting for.

A Harem Pants taught me a thing about being an entrepreneur

A missed opportunity. 

I walked to my former unit to say hi to my officemates when their eyes lit with glee. 

"Oh my gosh! I like your pants! It's so beautiful! Where did you buy them?"

I looked at them with amazement. It was the first time I was a recipient of their adoration. Not, screw that. It was the first time that I wore something that they wanted to purchase. I wore a smooth and comfortable harem pants (for the lack of better term).

"South Korea" I replied shyly. 

They look at me, dismayed. "Why didn't you buy and sell some clothes?"

I sheepishly grin at one of them. "Don't worry, I'll buy another one when I return to Korea."

It was a funny conversation. 

I learned something too. 

I'm not fashionable... I have yet to develop my refined fashion taste. I'm not that into clothes. I've been to places, and I have never bothered to purchase clothes, nor even sell them. 

Selling clothes, was a my big fat boss battle. 

It was something I could never imagine myself doing. 

But today's incident taught me differently. 

I'm ignorant of the fact that women go gaga over clothes. 

I'm ignorant of the possible market I can venture. 

I'm ignorant that some people like what I do not like, while some people don't like what I like. 

Today, I learned something from a missed opportunity. 

And it's an opportunity I'm glad I missed. 

How I killed my digital art career

I know how I killed my digital art career, or my art career, if it actually existed in the first place. 

It began with these three words: "It's such a chore."


I was busy with college, and I was spending less time with my trusty laptop. And my laptop was my bestfriend, by the way.

What can I say about my Toshiba Laptop? It was old. My mom gave it to me in 2008.By 2012, it was lagging and it suddenly crash when I was in the middle of a Photoshop Project.

Never mind if I forgot to save the file. That experience taught me to press "Ctrl + S" as often as I can.

But I persevered with that laptop. I had no job. I was a student. I was still living with my mom.

Eventually, I finished Nursing School, reviewed for the Nurse Licensure Exam, and passed the exam.

After I passed the exam, I had just started and abandoned  my last webcomic project: Wild Arms 2: A Bitter Sweet Affair. I even hosted in the now defunct InkBlazers (formerly called MangaMagazine)

That was the last digital project I attempted with all my heart.

After I was employed, my Wacom Graphire Tablet was hidden in its box. My Toshiba Laptop slept inside its bag. In the middle of this, it suddenly became a chore to retrieve those gadgets just to create digital art.

I'm fond of scanning my works to work on it digitally. It then became a chore to scan my works.

When it became a chore, it became unpleasant.

When it became unpleasant,  I abandoned it.

I abandoned my art career, if it even existed at all.

My interest in art was a culmination of the habits I've created all through out the years.

And it took me three words to destroy everything I've worked for.

Because of simple three words: "It's such a chore."

I realized that when something became difficult for me, when I never saw its purpose, when I never saw meaning for suffering,, when I plastered an activity as "it's such a chore" label, I gave that activity a death wish.

I realized that yes, it is possible to extinguish good habits, as well as it's bad habits

I'm more interested in the latter nowadays.

I've accumulated a bunch of bad habits through the past years.

Now, if I can find some method, or some way to respond "It's such a chore" to a bad habit, I can give it a death wish.

Now the next question is, how?

Listen to your accountability partners

I've given shared my power with three important people in my life to reach my goals. 

My Mom.

My gym instructor. 

Nyu nyu. 

Today, on July 19 2016, Nyu Nyu made a comment to me that felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. 

"Learn to be sensitive!"

We had agreed that I would come to her table and have lunch. I usually have lunch around 11:30 AM. It was around 11:45 AM when I visited her table and laid out my lunch box. 

Nyu nyu was still working on her report when she glanced at me, all prepped up and ready to it. 

With disbelief, she looked at me. "You're hungry? You're not sensitive. You gotta learn to be sensitive!" And off Nyu nyu went to the canteen to get her lunch. 

I sat there, stupefied. 

Wait, what did I just here?

I felt a bucket of cold water is doused at me. I began to rationalize. I began to reason out in my head. 

Then the answer became clear. 

A couple of days ago, I made a list of people whom I would trust and ask fro support to reach my goals. 

Nyu Nyu was one of them. I asked for her honesty and support. And she gave me her honesty, which I'm grateful. 

There's a reason why I prefer to eat alone. I get to do what I please to do. But it's a different matter when I share a table with people. Suddenly, it's not all about me. It's about us. Sometimes, it irks me. Because I'm not used to it. But... it's part of socialization. 

I'm actually grateful for Nyu Nyu's comment! 

The power of having an accountability partner!

The Voice of Insecurity can be such a bitch

When I joined the Courage Club, I had one thing mind. 

I am going to write and sell a freaking ebook. 

I was going to write a freaking book on money and I was going to sell it. One way or another.

My boss fight?

It's the monster called insecurity.

Insecurity is the voice that tells me,  "Who are you to write and sell a book?"

Insecurity is the voice that tells me, " How could you possibly write and sell an ebook, when you've hardly finished the fanfiction you wrote and you're scaredypants of selling online?"

Insecurity is the voice that tells me, "Just who are you, really, to even dare to dream like this?"

Insecurity is a vicious bitch. 

And it's a bitch worth fighting against.

Because that bitch is a part of me.

It's something that's sitting by the corner of the deep recesses of my psyche. As Carl Jung would put it, My shadow. 

It's the voice that's afraid, because it knows that when I take the first steps, when I take the choice to make a change, it'll lose the comfortable world it's ever known--- inactivity.

And I have been inactive for years now!

By taking the first steps, by taking courage, I'm threatening the shelter it has known.

And I can't blame my insecurity. I can't blame myself.

I can only befriend myself. I can only ignore the viciousness behind its voice and gently provide what it needs most.

Reassurance. 

Reassurance that no matter what happens, I will succeed.
Reassurance that I'm doing an activity for a greater cause.
Reassurance that I will survive.
Reassurance that I will be happen.

Yes, my insecurity  needs reassurance. Before it needs reassurance from other people, I need to provide reassurance from myself first.

I know it's a weird concept that I'm treating my insecurity as something separate entity from me. Like a third party.

But I feel that the path to truly providing the safety and comfort my insecurity craves, is to assure it that there will always be someone who will cheer and support it to become even better.

Insecurity can really be a vicious bitch sometimes.

But sometimes, I think it needs to be showered with love and reassurance.

Yeah, it's a long process.

And it's a process worth working on.

I think I should create another blog

The world wide web is full of dichotomous opinions.

"You should blog daily" vs. "You shouldn't blog daily"

"You should host it on this site" vs "you shouldn't host it on this site"

For the past few days, I've been toying with the idea of creating a blog at Quora or Medium.

Why?

Because there's traffic there. 

And what will I do with this blogspot blog?

What will I write about when I migrate there?

I don't know. I'm still looking for it!

Following Austin Kleon's advice, I'm creating my flow to identify my stock.

I show up everyday to determine patterns I've never seen before. Truth is, there are a lot of things I never know about myself.

That is why I give myself a chance to write everday, even if I believe that no one is reading the ramblings of a 24 year old woman in this blog.

That is why I show up.

That is why I try the two sides of a dichotomous opinion: to see if it works

The Core of my Creative Soul

I'm a storyteller. Period. 

Every endeavor I took stemmed from that desire. I can't narrate how I came to this realization, but I can  plot what I do feel.

The very reason I was into videogames-Japanese RPGs in particular, was because I wanted to be immersed in the stories. Good vs. Evil. Hope vs. Despair. Friendship and betrayal. Yes, I've played dozens of games. I've lived different lives as JRPG protagonists. Although I no longer play these games, the lessons I've learned, the characters I've met and played, the music I've heard.... all these are etched in the fiber of my being. Because I immersed myself in the stories.

The reason why I could read Edith Hamilton's Mythology, a 200-300 page book without colorful pictures, was because I wanted to be immersed in stories.

The reason why I was obsessed with comics, manga, and anime, was because I wanted to be entertained with the stories.

No wonder I wanted to create my own Visual novels, webcomics, rpgs... I loved stories and I wanted to to tell a story.

At the core of my soul, at the core of my creativity is a burning desire to tell a story.

And that's it.

Everything stems from that.

Make a game? Cool, Let me think of a story.

Webcomic? Cool! Let me think of a story.

Visual Novel? Cool! Let me think of a story.

Illustration? Cool! Let me think of what story it's trying to tell.

Story.

My God.

It took me 2 decades to realize this.

Everything I do in my life is to tell a story.

Courage Club, or Discourage Club?

Leanna and I enrolled in Arriane Serafico's 90 Braver Days Roadmap Challenge.

She paid Php 1,699.00, while I paid Php 3,999.00.

One of the perks of the Php 3,999.00 is being a member of Courage Club.

The Courage Club members receive top most priority for Arriane's mentorship. So when I narrated to Lee the story of the other members, she flashed me a sheepish grin.

"You know, if I paid Php 3,999.00, I would have called that The Discourage Club."

No, it wasn't an insult to the Club.

It's like putting a rock inside a basket of diamonds. 

Lee and I could have been those rocks.

Reality bite: I am that rock in that basket of diamonds!

God, I just realized how low my self-worth is  (laughs!).

Lee and I also had another realization: Most of the people in the Courage Club are creatives. Some already have businesses. Some haven't. Some wants to start their. blog. Some are already have theirs. Really great.. Golly gee, if I never studied Carl Jung, I would have never guessed I'm projecting my Golden Shadow Qualities (oh boy, here I go again!)

And here's another realization:

We all have the same problems. 

The rock shares the same problems with the diamonds. 

Another realization:

Comparison kills you. 

I didn't join the Courage Club to be discouraged and be devoured by my insecurities. I joined because the I wanted to accomplish something different with my life.

I know that we have differences. We all have made different choices. Yet we joined for one thing--- to make our dreams and goals a reality.

This rock... this rock isn't going to be just a rock. It's going to be an awesome rock with mixing with the diamonds in the basket.

And who knows?

 The rock might discover that it had a diamond inside too.

Serendipity lead me to Jeff Olson's "Slight Edge Philosophy"

Call it serendipity.

I was reading answers on Quora when I stumbled on this question, "What is the biggest polt twist in your life?"

I was hesitating to answer, so I decided to just... read.

The top answer for that question was written by Michael Stawicki from Poland.

The biggest plot twist in his life was that he became a writer, all because of... a book.

Jeff Olson's Slight Edge, to be exact.

Bookworm that I am, I downloaded an e-copy. It was going to be my next read.

Looking back, I must have thought it was another personal development book I was going to read, get hyped about... and eventually forget. I've read a couple of personal development books, and I can't remember most of what I've studied.

But Jeff's book... It's really easy to digest. It really is!

I'll write about what I learned from that book in the succeeding blog posts.