I lost my focus. Now what?

Work can be monotonous. 

To escape its deathly grip, I took a peek at my Facebook account. Yes, I still have and use my FB from time to time, despite my disdain for it. 

Someone asked me whether I experience moments when I want to stop and start everything from scratch.

My answer is simple. Yes. A big fat yes. 

One day, I find myself happily writing, wanting the experience to last forever. Sadly, it doesn't. The moment I wake up a few days later, I find myself moody and a changed person.

It's the kind of experience that insidiously creeps and catches you off guard. 

I, however, accept that this is part of the rhythm of life.

Life has a series of ups and downs. 

Have you seen the performance of the Philippine Stock Market?

It's depressing to see a correction, and exhilarating to see it climb!

A lack of focus, is like that ugly correction in the stock exchange. 

It’s depressing. It’s frustrating.

It makes me want to forget my dream of a great physique and binge on a creamy, delicious and mouth-watering chocolate ice cream. It makes me want to forget, and pray that everything will be alright.

The situation will get better, I tell myself.

Just… live.

Depending on your perspective, to live is either a blessing or a curse.

Once our mother has expelled us from their womb, we’re expected to course through life with an indefinite number of years. Indefinite, because we have no idea how our life, or how the candle of life will run out.

Nothing is permanent, and so is focus. 

Likewise, it’s good to know that this moment of sadness… this lack of clarity, is also not permanent.

The flow and ebb of the waves by the shore reminds me that this is part of life, and that my worrying is also normal.

The best next thing I can do is to try to calm myself down, and make a decision when my irrationality doesn't cloud my mind. 

My best therapy is writing. It is my territory. 

One of the lessons I learned in life is to identify what’s territorial act--- something you will do even if you're the last person on Earth. 

Writing is the act to pause, think and reflect.... to cry out my fears and pain. To convey what I feel is wrong.

I expect no reply. An inanimate object cannot tell you what must be done, but this notebook can tell you what’s occupying your head, and with its infinite silence, helps you to probe; think deeper, to search for solution, to listen.

The turbulence seas of life is a fact. Nothing stays or lasts forever.

My only saving grace is to cope with life.