The Daily Dispatch: 10 ideas to illustrate

I'm drawing again, and boy, it sure is hard.

After all, I unintentionally killed my drawing habit with my writing habit.

Writing is easy for me now, so is coming up with daily 10 ideas.

But drawing? It's now a chore.

What better way to re-kindle my drawing habit by starting small, by combining what I've learned in life?

Small steps + 10 ideas + "I'm willing to make bad art" + "God, you take care of the quality, I'll take care of the quantity" + a habit subdues another habit + The daily dispatch + drawing = the daily 10 illustration ideas

*credits to:

James Altucher - exercise the idea muscle with by writing 10 ideas a day

Julia Cameron - for inspiring me that it's okay to make bad art and to focus on quantity since God will take care of thr quality.

Austin Kleon- for inspiring me to show my work! Your books are the best, and I'm now starting to send my daily dispatches.

Og Mandino and Charles Duhigg- for reminding me that bad habits can be rewritten by another habit.

Final Fantasy 8: Your Eyes on Me Fanfiction

"You'd always be there in the corner 

of this tiny little bar"

~Eyes on Me, composed and sung by Julia Heartilly

Final Fantasy VIII is my first FF game. And the story that really stuck with me was the romance between Julia and Laguna. Too bad they had to be separated. 

To show my commitment to finish writing at least one fanfiction, I've compiled the chapters for "Your Eyes on Me"published in www.fanfiction.net

Just click on the link and you will be transported to a different world site.

Oh, and I do plan to include illustrations of the fic, to be posted in this site. Isn't that nice?

Now let's get started!

***

Chapter 1: What the General Wants

           Caraway sees Julia Heartilly for the first time. 

Chapter 2: I want You to be My Piano Lady

           This is the tale of how Julia Heartilly became The Galbadia Hotel's Lounge Pianist.

Chapter 3: The Wolf and the Sheep

           Caraway befriends Julia.

Chapter 4: The Man with the Leg Cramps

            Kiros brings Laguna to The Galbadia Hotel, where he sees Julia playing the piano. 

Chapter 5: One Phoenix Down, Please

            Julia takes the initiative and invites Laguna to her room for a talk.

3 reasons why Likes, Views and Shares are dangerous

"I thought I was happy in helping the world in my own little way. Unfortunately, I saw someone else helping the world too. I noticed how they received more attention and praise for it. Nobody noticed and praised me like that. I tried to hide it, but deep inside, I knew wanted to receive the same attention like that."

-from someone out there-

You’ve created a masterpiece.  You’ve created something inspirational. You know it will change the world. Whatever it is, you hope the netizens of the world wide web will notice it. With the click of your mouse, it’s finally uploaded. 

You check for the statistics: 2 views and 0 likes. It’s just a matter of time. 

The next day, you check it again: 5 views and 0 likes. Just be patient. You tell yourself.

You check it again the next day. 8 views and 0 likes. Why is the number small? My work is good, it's life-changing! Why aren’t the page views up? Why aren’t the likes up? Why isn’t anybody sharing it? Does it mean that it's relevant?

Is this scenario seem familiar to you?

 I bet if you are a regular poster, you’ve encountered this feeling. I’m guilty of this too. At certain points of my life, I have allowed myself to revolve around the numbers.

And you know what? It’s dangerous. Allow me to tell you why.

1.       You become obsessed. 

       It all starts insidiously. You count the numbers, as if you were collecting Pokemons to fill your Pokedex. Then sooner or later, every now and then, you find yourself looking at the statistics, looking for the next update.

                           “Did someone like it?”                                                “Did someone view it?” 

       You begin to obsess over the numbers, whether they are increasing or not.

       Suddenly it’s not about changing the world, it’s all about placating your ego.

  

.....Which leads us to reason number 2.

2.       You attach your self-worth to the statistics.

“The more, the better.” If a lot of people view or like it, then it must be good right?

Now what happens when the numbers don’t meet your expectations? What happens when no one even likes, or views what you've created?

Yes, you’ve guessed it.  Your ego will be hurt. 

Congratulations, buddy. Welcome to the club where the numbers dictate your self-worth! 

3.       Comparison killed the cat, and yes, it killed you.

Do you know what’s worse than rejection? 

It’s the feeling when you know were rejected for someone better.

It’s the same feeling when something you create something with all your heart, but is passed over by someone who made something with less effort.

Comparison is the name of this ugly game.

We’ve all heard how unhealthy comparison us, or how it’s better to “compare yourself with yourself" to minimize the damage comparison induces.

But what can you do when you catch yourself playing the comparision game?

It sucks. You feel less loved. Because someone is better than you. Negative thoughts begin to seep in. And when you've had enough, you belittle the other person in your head. Oh, I’m much better than this person. Blah blah blah.

Poison seeps because you compared.

But of course, likes, views and shares are not inherently evil.

It is a tool, and how the person uses this tool matters.

If these are used to elevate the ego to gain a sense of self-importance, then it becomes dangerous.

Use your tools wisely.

The Rule on How to Live your Life

"How am I supposed to live my life?"

                                           "Live your life like, a sandbox game.

                                             You, know, like Minecraft."

"What are the rules of the game?"

                                           "Rule number 1: You make 

                                             your own Rules."

"Sounds boring."

                                           "It sounds cool."

Do we really need to follow a rule, or guideline on how to live our lives? 

Some people love having a rule to life. It's a safe anchor to the turbulent seas in life. It makes life easier.

Some loathe being chained to some idea. To live is not to confine yourself to some stupid saying. To live is to go out there and live as you please. 

I'm the person who falls on the first option: I like having guidelines in my life. It provides me a sense of normalcy and security, an anchor the turbulent seas. 

I have been told to live and embrace its antithesis. "Why are you confining yourself to some rule that other people make?" "Why are you so rigid? You won't enjoy your life!"

I know that people have differing views on how to live their lives. I use to think that people thought the same way I did, but experience taught me differently. I used to shove my beliefs in other people's throats. Now I know better.

What works for me, doesn't work for others.

Let me get it straight. I acknowledge that both concepts are the sides of the same coin. The coin is how to live life. The sides are to follow the rules and ditch the rules. 

Now here comes me, trying to be conventional yet unconventional at the same.

Is there a way for me to marry these two sides?

Can we follow a rule, yet at the same time, ditch it?

It's like this saying I once heard:

                A: Love is unconditional.

                B: I beg to differ. It's conditional.

                A: How?

                B: The condition of having no condition, makes it unconditional.


It sounds stupid, yes? But think about it. What happens if we rephrased it?


                A: I live my life with no rules.

                B: I beg to differ. You live your life with a rule.

                A: What makes you say that?

                B: The condition of living without a rule, makes it a rule itself.

If there's one thing I've realized in my existence, it's that people will justify and defend their views on how the live life. They will protect it and snarl at people who have something to say against it.

So what is the rule on how to live your life?

My advice: 

Keep it to yourself. Practice it yourself. 

And most importantly, be true to yourself. 

Refrain from shoving unsolicited views on other people's throats.

Complainypants will be Complainypants

"The world is full of Complainypants."

I was enjoying  lunch with my graduate school classmates.... until they transformed into the dreaded "complainypants".

Now, what exactly is a complainypants?

Meet Mr. Money Mustache, a.k.a MMM, the dude who has converted me to the Cult of 

Mustachianism. MMM has a knack of creating amazing and memorables terminologies such as: 

hedonistic sukka, car clowns and complainypants.

....anyway, back to my topic.

The complainypants classmates are mad because of this certain professor's "poor" decisions which affected us.

To make the long story short, that professor could have saved us a lot of trouble if he followed option

"X". However, he went with option "Y". After the succeeding semester, he tells us that it was option 

"X" all along, and we have to comply with it within 3 months, or else we repeat the subject.

Because my classmates were fed up with this professor's antics, they blamed him for whatever misery

they experienced. "If he could have done this and that instead of this, we wouldn't be in this 

predicament." 

I have my own issues with our professor: I do not like his teaching style. I also do not like that it 

takes him 10-15 minutes to have a morning prayer. I do not like that he injects unnecessary and 

irrelevant matters to discuss during lecture hours to kill time. But since I do know that we are 

different styles and opinions, I try no to hate him that deeply. I understand that we are all humans, 

with our differences and shortcomings.

I can't help but laugh as well, for I also share the same predicament with them. School requirements 

are piling up and I have yet to study for our exams. 

But right now.. I'm behaving as if I don't care a shit. No pressure.

I guess this is one of the effects of reading Augusten Burrough's "This is How". 

"This is how the past haunts us. We think about it."

"When somebody experiences something truly horrific and shocking or so unimaginably 

painful and ruinous and they survive, all you can do is wonder, "But how?". 

This is how: By living what exists in our life right this moment. And by recognizing that the

 origin of what we have or do not have is irrelevant."

Since something happened to us by circumstances beyond our control, we expect the other party who 

offended to pay compensation. When we are unjust and unfairly treated, we demand we treated 

otherwise.

... and what did Augusten write?

" The truth is that life itself is brutally, obscenely unfair."

"Avoid self-pity by taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, even if somebody

 else is at fault. By taking responsibility, I don't mean to play doormat. I mean, repair yourself. 

Love forward. Move on. Then, only then, see if you can wrangle some empathy."

Even The First Noble Truth in Buddhism agrees. "Life is full of suffering."

And we suffer more by living and blaming the past, hoping it could be different.

 We can stop haunting the past by living in the present.

My present right now, is not what our professor did to us, My present is the decision on which task to prioritize and act on. 

I've been a complainypants myself, and I still am. 

I can decide to blame the professor entirely....

...or I can create my Escape Plan and plan for my next action steps.

That's more appealing and optimistic than trapping myself in the shoes of a complainypants, isn't it?

Criticsim, even constructive ones, hurt!

"...Some technical errors and a few writing choices are weak..."

Ouch, now that hurt!

As I expected, after reading his review I could feel my defenses build up.

I readied to justify the fact that it was something I left unwritten 4 years ago.

Then I stopped.

What the heck was I doing?

Owe it up, girl! The writing sucked!

It's a hard truth to swallow, but yes, my writing was weak. Could or might have been weak.

Anything we give birth to and gets criticized? It hurts.

But you know, it doesn't have to be that way.

Keep in mind, why did I even write that anyway?

I always remind myself, "You have a choice."

A choice to quit and abandon the project, or a choice to persist and continue.

But still, the feeling sucks.

Deal with it. Well, better yet, get used to it!

The immediate response to criticism is to defend ourselves. That's a fact. 

We try to flinch from pain. It's normal. Who doesn't abhor pain?

But feel the pain. Allow yourself to feel it for a couple of seconds. 

Allow yourself to to think and justify.

Then catch yourself in third person observing whatever you are doing.

She's offended.

She's trying to make excuses.

She's trying to defend herself.

She doesn't want to be hurt.

She's being defensive. 

She doesn't want to accept that someone's opinion differs from her.

Weird, yes?

But it helps diffuse the tension and fixation of being hurt. 

Right now, I feel better and grateful. 

Why? Because this comment came from someone whom I never expected to correspond with. 

He asked for a link to my fan fiction, even telling me there was a possibility he might not read it. 

But he still did. He took time, and I respect that. 

My 2012 writing sucks, but I can make a difference for 2016.

I will persist.

Thank you the_rpgenius for unwittingly motivating me to improve my writing ability! 

You might never read this blog, but again, I would like to say thank you!

Theories on the development of Anne Curtis' story arc in FPJ's Ang Probinsyano

That was a long title, wasn't it?

Now that Mr. Philip Tang and Diego were killed in action in last week's episode, the writers of FPJ;s Ang Probinsyano introduces a new set of characters to extend the show time of ABS-CBN’s hit telerserye. Allow me to introduce them:

 Anne Curtis aka "Trina Trinidad" 

The Bitch Damsel in Distress

Anne Curtis plays the role of a popular model/fashion designer/fashion model, socialite who, while is despicably & horribly mean to her staff & stepdad, shows a softer side when it comes to her late mother's memories.

A perfectionist, she oozes with appeal and easily plants a smile when it comes to her fans (plastic lang ang peg?). She is horribly mean to the people around her, especially those who fail to meet her standards. She has fired a security guard and a driver just because they failed to meet her expectations.

She is kidnapped by Nonie Buencamino, hence, De Leon seeks the PNP's aid for a VIP Security. This is how she crosses path with Coco Martin, aka "Cardo". 

I'm sensing something tragic happened to her character as a young child. This tragic event could explain why she has issues in trusting and attachment with people (such as telling Ogie Diaz that people stay with her just for her money and downplays Cardo's commitment to protecting her). Can't wait how her story will unfold!

So far, Anne is giving justice  to her scenes, especially with Coco Martin!  I couldn't have imagined another actress playing Trina's character. I certain had a good time when she made fun of Coco's lisp.

Christopher De Leon aka "Michael Alonzo"

 the DOD’s unflinchingly kind stepdad

Christopher De Leon plays Mike, Trina’s stepfather whom she addresses as "uncle". Much is yet to be revealed about his character, but you can see how kind and tolerant he is of Anne's character.Albert Martinez mentioned in Feb 18's episode that they became acquainted with each other during a business convention. (what kind of business convention, I suppose?)

 Ogie Diaz aka "Fritz"

The DOD’s faithful personal assistant

Ogie Diaz plays the ever loyal personal assistant to Anne Curtis' character.

 Surprisingly, he can withstand and diffuse Trina’s acid remarks, and is her longest staying personnel (given the nature of Anne's character who loves to fire people when they don't meet her expectations).

Ogie is a natural this role! He looks and feels like your office mate bullied by their plastic supervisor. He definitely provides a great comic relief to Anne Curtis' sarcastic jokes and quips.

  Nonie Buencamino aka "Scarface"

The Scarred Villain 

Obsessed with kidnapping Trina

The villain for this story arc. He kidnapped Trina, who fortunately, was able to escape because of the mighty Pepper Spray (ladies, always bring one!). 

Not much is yet to be revealed about his character, except thathe is doing this for his fallen comrades. Feb 18's episode shows a flashback how he survived a car crash. Realizing his friend was still in the car, he rushes to save him only to be burned in the face when the car explodes.

What could be this man’s motivation?

***

Given how February 18, 2016’s  episode unfolded, here are my possible theories how the story might progress:

1. 1Nonie Buencamino could possibly have a vendetta against Christopher De Leon
2. Christopher could also be a former syndicate who turned back his ways to be reformed
3. Anne Curtis blames Christopher De Leon for her mother’s death.
4. Nonie could actually be Anne’s dad.
5. Bella will be jealous of Anne
6.  Anne will become Closer to Cardo, much to Carmen’s chagrin
7. There will be a stand off between Nonie, Christopher and Anne on how their past is interconnected, especially with Anne’s mom.
8. Nonie could be formerly employed under Christopher.
9. Anne could have begged for help as a child, but received none. Hence her vehemence against someone helping her.
10. Anne might have overheard  that Christopher might have married her mom for the money.

Anyways, I look forward how my theories will be proved or disproved. 

Asides from this story arc, the series is also starting to deepen the love triangle between Coco, Bella and Arjo's characters. Can't way to see how it will turn out (and I can't wait to give my thoughts and theories about it!)

Ahhhhh, It has been such a great joy watching this series!

You see, I'm not an "Iwantv" subscriber. This means I heavily rely on every night's episode and Cinemo's sunday afternoon Marathon. 

After the "Paloma" arc, I'm definitely interested how the writers will plot this one, and how they plan to end this.

The Fanfiction Games

"Let the Writing Fanfiction Games Begin!"

A week ago, the idea of creating a Final Fantasy 8 Fiction dawned on me.

I knew the ending & what did I have to lose?

I published my very first fan fiction in 4 years.

As I was writing the 3 chapters of that fic, I had another flash of fanfic ideas.

Here are the following fics I plan to do. They aren't set in stone yet, but it's nice to have a list of fics for future projects, isn't it?



1. Final Fantasy 8- Your Eyes on Me
            - Julia, Laguna and Caraway's story. *on progress

2. Final Fantasy 8 -My Eyes on You
             - Raine, Laguna and Julia's story

3. Avatar: The Last Airbender
             - Ursa and Ozai's relationship

4. Lunar Silver Star Story Complete
             - Ghaleon and The Vile Tribe sisters' story.

5. Arc the Lad II
             - How The Great Disaster created an organization to unleashed the monster that caused it all.
                How The Academy was created.
             
6. Suikoden 1& 2
             - Odessa wakes up in Radat, the principality of South Window. What happens when a wandering Flik and party discovers her?

7. Wild Arms 2 
             - Judecca, Antenora, Caina, Ptolomea and Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus' stories, how Odessa was formed and how they survived when ARMS kicked their asses.
             
8. Legend of Legaia
             - Cara's story.

9. Xenogears
            -Miang and Ramsus' story. How they met and the dynamics of their relationship until her death.

10. Legend of Mana- Star Crossed
           - Irvin, Matilda, Escad and Daena's story prior to the events of Legend of Mana.

They are mostly PSX JRPGs fan fictions, considering that this was the only console game I had as a kid.

When they hate you like crazy

Two Words: It sucks!

I remember the first time someone spoke ill to me.

She was my classmate’s younger sister.

She treated me with such venomousity that I couldn’t understand.

I shouldn’t have understood it, but I tried.

It was a good decision.Because it gave me a reason to understand the human psychology, A 

topic close to my heart.

The saying “You cannot please everybody” never wrung true for me. In my mind, I knew I 

could be likeable. I knew I could make everyone love me.

I never knew I was a making a blasted mistake.

Blasted, but helpful.

It took me years, years and years to understand it. Finally at 21, I understood what it takes 

to be “You can’t please everybody.”

An anonymous officemate harassed me through text messages. I received below the belt 

messages and I wondered “How” and “why”.

I could have saved myself from the drama, but I didn’t. The experience has taught me a 

valuable lesson:

•           Never give your personal number
•           When they don’t matter, their negative criticisms don’t matter.
•      Stay away when you see the first signs of a black smoke.

No matter how much sugar coating I do, hearing that someone doesn’t like you hurts.

The feeling is similar to a large termite stuck in your chest, clawing itself out.

But you’ll recover. 

Rejection Quest: A tale of dealing with rejection

"To cure a arachnophobia, you must immerse yourself in a sea of spiders."

"...Are you stupid, or what?..."

Rejection, a 3 syllable word with a bitter taste on my lips. 

I have hated it from the moment I was born. 

It sucks. It's an unpleasant feeling.

People tell you how important it is to be rejected, but truth is, no one wants to be rejected!

To be rejected means you're trash. 

And it sucks, big time. 

A long time ago, I didn't want to be rejected. This led me to reject people first, simply because I didn't want them to pull in on me first.

Before you get me, I'll get you first!

Flawed logic, yes? 

But I'm not the only one.

(cite a study)

Someone told me that it's embracing our rejections and failures that enable us to grow.

I have  poor pain tolerance and I'm supposed to embrace it?

 bullshit.

One sultry afternoon, I was looking for an online writing job. 

I looked at the bulletin and saw several requests. 

I emailed one, and guess what?

I received not a single response.

I didn't include a sample, so I drafted one, praying that someone would bite it. 

Still none. 

The next day, I emailed each request, and guess what?

Still none.

At that moment, with childlike glee, a thought flickered in my head.

"This is rejection. Why not collect them and allow me to be used to it? I can be immune to rejection later on. The benefit? I can go for what I want without being afraid."

The next day, I responded to requests and still, received no responses. 

Either I need to improve my copy writing skills, or I need to create a writing portfolio. 

Either which, I have embarked on a Rejection Quest.

A tale of making fun of myself and improve by collecting and develop immunity against rejection. 

Are you interested in taking this quest with me?

Let the journey begin!

The Ultimate Guilty Pleasure: Writing Fan Fictions

"After all this time?"

"Always"

- Albus Dumbledore to Severus Snape, Harry Potter Series

Another story idea flash in my head.

I knew this was one of those rare story ideas where I knew how it would start, what would 

happen in between and how it would end.

The twist?

It is a Final Fantasy VIII fan fiction.

Yes, I am investing my imagination and creative writing skills in another company owned 

franchise.

When I was younger, and highly active in the creative scene, a friend once told me to ditch 

fancomics, and write my original stories.

If I really wanted to, I could.

But writing fan fictions... is an itch that begs to be scratched!

As what Snape replied to Dumbledore, "Always".

It's an itch that will never go away, until I scratch it!

How do I scratch it? I write it in black and white. I post and share it online.

It's the only way. It's the only way to put the itch at ease.

Recently, I have started to write fan fiction again. (Never mind if it's owned by Square Enix. 

The idea want to be born!)

1. Final Fantasy VIII - Your Eyes on Me

What the Galbadian General wants, the General gets...even if it means eliminating his beloved's true love. 

The untold love story between Julia, Laguna and yours truly, Fury Caraway.

Yes, it is cheesy. My second english teacher asked  me  and a classmate to revise the

cheesy intro to a play we wrote. Well, I like it cheesy! 

I've already written chapters 1 & 2. This one is estimated to be 6-7 chapters long.

Runner Up:

2. Wild Arms 2- Cocytus

Before they were terrorists, they were humans with issues. 

An anthology of the Odessa's Generals before joining Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus,

the aftermath of the advent of the Kuiper Belt core and Lord Blazer.

In 2010-2012, I created a webcomic and fanfiction entitled  "A Bittersweet Affair" 

chronicling Antenora's story. 

I never finished either version, but the story is still itching to be written. 

This itch expounded to create backstories for the other generals.

I'll work on this after I finish "Your Eyes on Me", or possibly,  a new FF8 fiction 

"My Eyes on You" focusing on Raine, Laguna and Julia's story.

So why focus on fan fiction?

It's simple. 

I've decided a few months ago that when I die, I would like to reflect and say 

"Yes, I wrote these stories. And I'm proud to have written them."

So I will write. I will write. I will persist to write.

Until I have scratch the itch called "Creating Fan fiction."