FFM: Chapter 21

Chapter twenty-one is finally out, and I'm surprised I've breached the 4,500 word count for a single chapter.

I was tempted, and I will say how unholy the temptation was to stop at 1.6K words.

But screw it.

I typed, and typed and typed.

1.6k is too short to convey the idea I want to express.

You can't cram Cloud and Aerith asking for clothes, boarding a ship to escape Junon, and getting shipwrecked, can you?

The ideas have taken a life of its own. I initially planned Cloud to steal the clothes, but Aerith didn't want to steal and decided to knock on the door. Suddenly, the man wasn't nice and she decided to knock him down.

Of course I didn't like the way it was going and rewrote the opening scene, and I settled with an eight year old boy helping the two.

I think I'm much better at writing alternating viewpoints. Actually, I have a long way to go, but I'm much better, compared with my first fic, Your Eyes on Me.

Somehow, this chapter ballooned to 4.6k, and I think I've done a fairly good job.

My next challenge is how to tie the loose ends beautifully.

I don't know if I can.

My ears are bleeding (just kidding) from listening to Japanese songs. Writing while listening to music improves my mood, it seems, and right now, I'm dying to start on my next story.

FFM has two more chapters before it ends, and I'm proud with my output!

Flower from Midgar's title origins

Around the third quarter of 2016, I posted a story called "Magdalen from Midgar"in Fanfiction. net.

That story was inspired from listening to Gloc-9's song, Magda ( I urge you to check it out!)

It was haunting enough that I wrote a story out of it, and when I wanted to deepen that story, I resorted to fanfiction.

I had just finished a Final Fantasy 8 Fanfic, and decided to migrate to the Final Fantasy 7 section, testing what the readers' reaction would be.

My first review was simple. "Looks promising, good luck!"

So I posted some chapters intending it to be five chapters long. There weren't a lot of readers mind you, and the comments were zero. It was disheartening, but I persevered anyway. I was also reading books about how to improve my writing skill, and opted to apply what I learned on MFM.

Around chapter 3, I changed the title into "Flower from Midgar" or FFM for short.

I think that's the crappiest title I've ever created, but it's a little too late to change it now. I've clocked in 21 chapters (and around 40K words, oh wow!) and if I changed it now, some readers might be confused.

Coming up with a story title is no easy feat, I tell you.

I could have stuck with Magdalen from Midgar, but I felt it was too obvious. No one tells you that coming up with memorable titles is easy.

Despite the cheesiness, I still like FFM.

Yeah, I guess I'll stick with that until I finish it :D

First Post for 2017!

And this is my first post for 2017, Hello world!

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. 2016 was a fun year. I tried my hand at daily blogging, which I did, thank God, before realizing I was becoming a human spam.

I had written a bunch of blog posts. inspirational ones. ones about popular culture. how-to blah blah blah. 2016 was a beautiful mess, really.

But truth is, I stopped blogging because I wanted to brand myself.

and I failed, miserably.

I enrolled myself in a branding class, paid for it even, and in the end, I hardly implemented or even followed it. There goes my hard-earned money!

I was supposed to blog last January 2017, but I was unsure of what to write. Perfectionism can be a nasty creature, and I had enough of it.

I was traveling to Tagaytay City the order day, reading a copy of Austin Kleon's   Show Your Work.

Chapter 2 struck a chord with me.

Share your process. be a documentarian with what you do. 

I certainly do not want to document every part of my life, That's one reason I don't actively post on Facebook anymore.

Right now, I'm busy with writing and reading stories. I'm currently working on Flower from Midgar, a Final Fantasy 7 fanfiction. The story is mine, but the characters aren't, but because I need to see how the story would unfold, I decided to borrow Square's characters.

Maybe I could share my writing process, or how I write a chapter.

Yeah, maybe I could.

I won't be a human spam that way, right?

What happened when I took an Artist Date

Artist Date... what's that?

Well, it one of the three legs of creativity that Julia Cameron preaches:

Morning Pages. Artist Dates. Walking. 

According to her, doing morning pages makes you tell the world/universe what your dreams and problems are. The Artist Dates provide the answers to your dreams and problems. Walking makes you receptive. 

In my case, I've been writing Morning Pages since 2010. 

Walking? I've been walking since 2004. I accidentally discovered the calming effect walking has on my brain.  

Artist Dates? Uh.... no thanks. 

I've been resisting the Artist Date Concept. Julia Cameron mentioned that a resistance to artist dates means a resistance to self-intimacy. 

Wait, what?

It feels phony and I doubted it would really help me. 

Doubted. Yes, you heard me right.

Because one Saturday morning, I decided to give it a shot. 

My morning pages entries went like this:

"Well, it must be something that my Artist likes, yes?"

"Why not play basketball at the Arcade?"

"Why not try that wall-climbing activity?"

"Why not try archery?"

Granted, these activities are more fun when you have a companion. 

But in Artist Dates, you are your own companion. You and your artist child. 

I strolled at SM Ecoland the following day. I passed by the arcade as a war raged within me. 

"There are so many people. So many kids. I feel so left out. I must feel like a loner"

......

"It doesn't hurt to ask how much the tokens cost now, does it?"

One token costs five Philippine pesos, and single game of basketball costs 2 tokens. 

Let me tell you, my twenty pesos was well-spent!

After exhausting my tokens, I realized how much fun basketball was (or shooting balls on a ring was!)

Basketball was my sport of choice in my youth. My avenue to overcome/cover up my insecurities. 

(haha!)

But in 2nd year highschool, I stopped playing the game for two reasons:

One. I had a senior whom I were good friends with, who told me I didn't know how to dribble. Can you imagine how my frail ego took that? 

Second. During our sportsfest, I was doing my best, blocking another player from shooting, and I heard jeers that my actions could be counted as foul. So much for giving your best. Oh no, frail ego!

That was the last time I willingly played basketball. 

I would occasionally touch the ball. But never again did I approach the ball with such enthusiasm. 

After that short game, I had another brief monologue in my head:

"There's a basketball court near your house. why not play there?"

"Oh Geez, it's embarrassing to play when you're alone, groups play there too, and I don't have a ball."

"Well, you had a deflated ball at home. You can purchase a pin. You have that item to inflate your bike wheel. You check what times you aren't allowed to play."

It's so easy to discourage ourselves and shoot down that first idea. 

I bought a pin. You couldn't play after 8PM and 12NN-3PM.  Okay. I might as well play in the early morning, or after work.

But I couldn't find the ball. 

"But I just can't purchase a ball. it could be expensive, like a thousand bucks. I spent 3,000 for my Mikasa Vollyball."

"It doesn't hurt to try and ask."

Turns out a Mikasa basketball costs almost 600, while a cheaper non-branded ball is around 150. 

"Are you playing professionally?" the saleslady asked.

"Just for fun."

I went home with a non-branded ball that day. 

At 6PM, I threw a shot. A congratulatory shot. A well-deserved activity for conquering my negative self-talk. Magic happens when you give yourself a try. 

The next morning, I woke up at 5:30 AM to play basketball. Alone. 

"Why not take a walk?"

So I walked around the subdivision for an hour.

I studied for the remaining day, alternating it with rounds of physical activity. I even played basketball with the kids from my neighborhood.  

The next day, (which is today), my body ached. 

A well-deserved ache, by the way.

Doing my artist date unfolded a new path I never expected. 

I never imagined I would my interest in basketball. Maybe the interest might fade. Maybe it won't. But I'm looking for alternative ways to move my body. To make it feel vibrant. 

Basketball does that.

There's magic when you give yourself a try. 

My next artist date will be Wall-Climbing Activity after my exams. I can't wait for that!

Collage: A change of heart

I was never a fan of collages.

I recall projects in school where the teacher had to make us make a collage, I can recall that disgusting feeling in me.

Ick.

No.

Never.

That's cheating.

I don't like it.

Never.

Then my big, hairy and audacious goal came. Time was running out.

Really running out.

I resorted to grabbing photos online, editing it in photoshop and voila!

Hey, not bad!

Not bad at all!

I should set aside one weekend and create collages for fun.

That would make an interest artist date, right?

Big Hairy Audacious Goal

I accepted a new project.

It's huge.

It's audacious.

It's hairy.

My God, it's scaring the wits out of me.

I don't know whether it'll push through, whether the concept will be accepted, or hated that its thrown against the wall with such force.

All I know is.

I'm taking a risk.

I'm expanding myself.

I'm using my Wacom Tablet for the first time this year.

Thank you for taking time to read, here's a cute picture to make your day:

It's not bad to be "Noise"

In a previous post, I wrote about my desire to "not be another noise" in the internet.

Yep. I do. I want to be valuable. I want to help.

Or am I just allowing my ego to get the best out of me?

Creative's Nook is my personal blog.

Yes.

I accept that.

I'm not seeking fame, glory, subscribers, or pageviews for it.

It's for my personal creation.

I can add value with another blog, or website.

But Creative's Nook?

Let it be noise!

My Experience with Arriane Serafico's Braver Goals Online Course after 90 Days

credit to Arriane Serafico

In July 2016, I enrolled in Arriane Serafico's Braver Goals Online Course.

90 Days later, I've done my part, and here's a review/testimonial, sharing my experience with the course.

Let me start with my email to her last Saturday:

When my office mate gave me your blog link a year ago (yep, the same person who joked about the discourage club), I never imagined I'd be a willing participant in your world (brand, I mean). 

To use what I learned from the Purposeful Personal Branding module, "Oh boy, here's another Sparkling blogger with sparkling blogs that I will forget."

That wasn't the case. 

Okay, maybe it was. 

I subscribed, and eventually forgot all about you. Like other typical subscribers do. 

Then one day, I just messaged you (after reading through an email you send to all your subscribers). 

And you replied! Not once, not twice, but maybe around four to five times! 

So she actually takes time to read her inbox, I thought. 

When you notified the world about your Braver Goals Bootcamp/Courage Club, I prepped myself for the cheapest one. I clicked the Php 3,999.00 option instead. 

Oh God, what have I done? 

"Making one of the best decisions in your life." 

It's true. 

I hesitated to tell my mom about joining your e-course. I told her anyway, and the first question she asked: "Is there a Certificate?"

"Oh gee, hindi ko po alam. Tatanungin ko po siya." 

Leanna, the discourage club joker, also joined the Bootcamp, and we bonded over the modules for the past 2 months (unfortunately she got off the wagon last month, after a horrible allergic reaction). That was fun! 

And the ladies at the Courage Club.... I didn't know all of them. Maybe some. A handful. And I'm grateful that I met them. Creative people are hard to come by. It's hard to relate to someone who doesn't create, and I swear I can hear crickets chirping in the background! 

Yes, you're right. It's always our choice. I chose to allow my insecurity to get in my way. I chose insecurity to belittle myself and slam my face hard on the floor, as I compared myself with the other ladies. It's not their fault. It's mine. And it's my choice to act and do something about it, even if it'll be messy, awkward and frustrating. 

And messy, awkward and frustrating... (rinse and repeat)

The past 90 days have been valuable. Best 3,999.00 I ever spent! I regret I didn't purchase the 3,999 version for the PPM (but I have my reasons... trying to wean myself from Facebook, and insufficient balance in my ATM account. But the self-study program works for me as well!) 

I really appreciate it when you take time to respond to comments/emails, even if I know there are several people you have to respond to. My love language, according to Gary Chapman, is words of affirmation.. so thank you for the encouraging words Arriane! 

When I was in 2nd yr high school, my teacher finished checking the second notebook on a pile of orange notebooks, and exclaimed to the class it was the first notebook she checked that didn't give her a headache. 

I owned the first notebook she checked. 
That traumatized me a bit, but confused me as well. My 1st year English teacher told me I wrote well. But I forgot all about that when the incident with the second teacher happened. 

Having Words of Affirmation for your love language sucks some times. haha.

I look forward to courses you'll make in the future, and when I self-publish that horror book (which I also wrote in the course of the 90 days), I'll let you know about it! It's part of the fruit of my Braver 90 days of course. 

Question: Would I recommend this course?

Only if you're willing to follow a system and see what it has to offer. You must be willing to dedicate 90 days for this online course. I admit I had my slip-ups. I didn't follow everything to detail, BUT I learned what worked for me.

Question: Gee, Php 3,999.00 sounds too much. I don't know...

There's a cheaper option available. It was less than Php 1,000.00. However, I made a last minute decision to purchase the Php 3.9K one because I wanted to meet new people.

Question: What changed in your life? 

It' simple that I never thought it was possible. I always believed in Chunking. Arriane, (in my view), uses this principle. You can have four projects in a given year. The question is, how to you execute them?

Will you work on all four projects simultaneously? Or will you complete project on one project before you go to the next one?

I used to be the person who worked on projects simultaneously. And it's not for me. I end up sad and frustrated because I haven't accomplished anything.

I discovered that the 90 day project cycle works for me! It cultivates discipline in me, and I get to practice saying "No", a lot.

Shiny new project? I can feel the urge to work on it. Oh, no. Wait. I'm still working on my 90 day project. maybe I can note what this new shiny project is. Let it incubate. Then I'll work on it again.

Arriane guides you to manage a project using a system she created. Her system isn't absolute, and she encouarges her students to continuously learn and refine their personal system.

I also discovered Spanx's Sara Blakely (whose quotes I absolutely loved!). I also connected with some Filipina bloggers, artists, creatives and entrepreneurs because of this course. When you meet new people, they somewhat influence you and change your perspective in life.

Question: I hate systems and rules on how you should approach your work, blah blah blah---

That's good! At least you know what doesn't work for you. If systems turn you off, then please, spare yourself the mental energy about criticizing about systems and find what works for you. Arriane knows her brand isn't for everyone (that's what I learned from her other course, Purposeful Personal Branding).

Just look for the approach that best suits you.

Question: What tangible result came when you joined this course?

I wrote three stories. Fanfictions, actually. No, don't look at me as I committed sin. Lol. But I write a lot. I write everyday now. If you were to sum up all my word count, I've produced rough 60,000 words.

That's from someone who was "All Talk, but No Walk."

My head is full of stories and ideas, and they remained in my head for decades. For a creative, that's depressing. You don't want an idea to be stagnant in your head.

I wanted to move on, so I decided to write the stories in my head. My fiction isn't perfect, yet it gave me the confident to write. To put myself out there.

Question: Should I give it a go?

YES!

If you have any questions about the experience, please feel free and leave a comment!

I hope my answers enlightened you if you're deciding to enroll in her online courses.

It's a great investment for your cash.

Creative Thursdays: Repainting my Mirror

I have an old mirror in my room. It's been my mirror ever since I can remember.
And it has an ugly backside.

I've been thinking of repainting it. Just like what I see Alisa Burke does. I don't have paint... but I could purchase...

OHH!

I could draw it with my sharpies!

Yeah!

Cats!

How not to drown yourself in the Sea of the Internet

Do you want to break free from the noisezone?

There's friendzone. Seenzone. I don't know-zone. Yeah, I totally made that word up.

Several months ago, I chose to blog daily.

 Two posts a day.

The result was a whopping 150 plus blogposts that I'm proud of.

It was a beast-- an accomplishment I never thought possible.

Quantity is king!

The happiness didn't last long.

I poured over the posts, and realized what a bloody mess it was.

The only value it had was to serve my low self-esteem and my niche was serving my ego.

(Now, I could be wrong....)

I read this invaluable quote somewhere ( I forgot who said it, sorry)

True. I was writing a lot. I was producing a lot.

But did it have value?

Did it help people?

Did it make someone's day better?

Did I help someone solve their problems?

Maybe.

But most of the time, what I wrote was noise.

Messy and unfocused noise. 

I'm currently enrolled in one of Arriane Serafico's online courses, and it's an excellent course btw.

I've read numerous blogs/articles/courses telling me to niche down.

The problem was, I couldn't understand its importance. I couldn't understand how to niche down.

Arriane makes it so easy. Easy as 1, 2 and 3.

According to her, Niching down is like talking to a crowd in a colosseum vs. talking to a handful of people in a small room.

In a colosseum, you are competing with thousands of people. You talk. You bore them. They talk. Your message becomes another noise.

That's what I've been doing.

But when you talk to a handful of people in a small room, provided they want to listen to what you have to say on topics they want to hear, on subjects dear to their heart.

That. is. Niching down.

Like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle, everything clicked. I finally saw the bigger  picture. The whole picture.

As much as I enjoyed the act of blogging daily, the internet is not my personal diary to rant and bitch to make another person unhappy.

That's why I made the decision to stop my "daily blog challenge". It was fun! I discovered I had a lot of say. A lot of things to talk about.

It's just that... the quality.

Quality sucked. Big time!

I didn't want to be another noise. I didn't want to drown myself. So I chose to exit gracefully.

Now, that doesn't mean I won't stop blogging.

I like it, I do.

I just want to write about important matters where people will find value.

I hope this post is valuable.

Don't drown yourself in a sea of noise.

Define what blogging means for you... or another person will

I had another epiphany of sorts while I attended the Final Question and Answer Segment in Arriane Serafico's Online Course, Braver Goals.

Was I going to be another human spam in the world wide web? Is my blog just another noise in this noisy world?

Suddenly, the ground underneath me shifted, knocking me unconscious. I saw a different horizon and for the first time, I contemplated why I blog.

Why am I even blogging?

Let me tell you, three people have influenced me to become a keyboard warrior:

1. C.J. Chilvers
2. Seth Godin
3. Austin Kleon.

These three have advocated blogging daily, and I took their advice to heart. Since June 2016, I've posted daily, accumulating almost 150 blog posts.

150 blog posts... can you imagine that?

A year ago, I would have never imagined it possible. While I am happy with the quantity, I have reached the point that I now question the quality of my written word.

Going back, I've realized some of my posts are personal rants-- Noises.

I'm beginning to ask the important questions: what the heck am I blogging? Am I blogging for the sake of blogging? Am I blogging to make a mark? Seriously, why am I busting my ass to blog daily? What is my niche?

Numerous questions are locked in my head, engaged in a vicious swimming spree. Unless I find my answers, my blog will continue to become a mess.

I don't regret following Chilvers', Godin's and Kleon's advice. They've taught me an important lesson. If you want to know whether an idea works for you, then go for it.

I went for writing daily blog posts, and while I was happy I was showing up consistently, I began to question the quality. Then Arriane Serafico pops up and I begin to question the mark I want to leave in this internet world.

yes, I'm contemplating another revamp.... or a possible make-over. starting a blog from scratch.

I've started several blogs, like several bloggers. I've ditched several blogs, like several bloggers. Does the experience dishearten me? No. It's teaching me something.

I learned from Sara Blakely to look for the hidden blessing in everything, and with October 13's question and answer segment, I found a hidden gem in how I approach blogging.

What is blogging?

It's important to define what blogging means for you. Either you define something, or the world will define it for you.

For years, I defined blogging as someone who actively posts online with a following. With that framework, I set my heart to regularly posting online... with not so good results.

As long as I was posting online... I was a blogger, yes?

So when last night's Q&A segment came into play, and when I started to ask the important questions... I found my conclusion:

Blogging is all about influence. 

A Blogger is person who has the power to influence.

A Blogger is someone who makes a difference in another person's life. 

Okay... am I describing a leader?

John Maxwell defines the same thing-- Leadership is influence. 

Okay. My personal definition is that. A blog is a channel to influence people and make a difference in their lives. A blogger is a person who wields that awesome power.

Isn't that cool?

I've finally defined something for the first time!

Now that my viewpoint on blogging has changed, there are other old concepts and projects which are about to be uprooted too.

I admire other bloggers who've found their niche, and who help other people make a difference in their lives.

I hope to be a person like that too.

Work Reflection Fridays: The power of a To-DO List

When you start to work, you begin to research and employ a variety of tools to make you more productive.

I've read a couple of time management hacks, and I've tried a bunch of them... To-Do Lists in particular.

Now, there are a lot of resources online that will tell 10 good reasons to follow a To-Do List, and a hundred reasons why you shouldn't keep one.

My advice?

You're the only one who knows whether or not it'll work.

And the only way you'll know that is to give it a try.

Way back in college, I've employed a pretty simple technique. We were always asked to carry a small jot down notebook.

That little notebook was my bible. My patient's vital signs were kept in that piece of pad, as well the input and output monitoring.

I left college and forgot all about it.

And I got employed.

And I realized the dangers of not writing.

Keeping a To Do List is heaven if you're forgetful. It will keep you from forgetting the important stuff. But it can be hell if you're a perfectionist, because you have to refine it every now and then.

Creative Thursdays: A temporary book cover an upcoming Novel

A woman accepts a job to catsit a pet whose owner is accused of murdering his wife. The woman begins to question the man's obsession with his  cat, and his personal history with his deceased wife.

Would you believe that answering a simple question in Quora would lead to a supernatural-crime fiction?

Yes, it definitely happened to me.

The urge to write this story is strong, and I'm tempted to ditch writing Flower from Midgar to write this story.

But yet... I'm a person of my word.

I've committed to focus on one project at a time. I hope I can finish Flower from Midgar within this month to write this story.

Because I couldn't resist, I decided to create a mock cover for the book. The picture of the cat isn't mine. It's something I googled online.

I used a plain Chiller Font for the story's title.

I know that it's so... simple. yeah. the purpose of creating that cover is to prompt me to write it once I'm done with Flower and His Eyes on Me.

I can't wait to write this one!

Random Wednesdays

Because it's fun to live out of the box, for once in a while.

Growth Tuesdays: A day dedicated to improvement

Improvement has a wide scope.

You can improve your physique.

You can improve your *insert* skill.

You can improve your vocabulary.

You can improve your writing ability.

You can basically improve and grow yourself.

As long as you put your effort.

Tuesdays is dedicated to pushing myself to improve myself, even if it's 1%.

1% is better than 0% of course.

Writing Mondays: Writing Routines to Keep you Sane

I'm still consistent with my Morning Pages, which has definitely cope with my mood swings.
I recently discovered my anemia has resurfaced. that explains my fatigue despite having eight hours of sleep.

There are three writing routines in my life:

1. Morning Pages. Where I write three pages of long-hand stream of consciousness thoughts. I've written it numerous times in my blog, and I can't emphasize how much it has helped me cope with my day to day activities.

2. 10 ideas a day. I'm not as religious as before, but I make it a point to write 10 ideas before I work. I also write a bunch of ideas when I'm stuck at work or when I'm crafting an essay for an exam.

3. Daily Affirmation. I practiced this for 3 months. I wrote almost 15 affirmations a day, and got tired of it. But lately, I tried to revive this practice again. Instead of 15, I minimized it to five. Limit it to affirmations that matter. Does it work? Well, sort of. And no, I did not magically wake up and found myself a superwoman. For me, affirmations work as a gentle reminder. It's not the ultimate pill to keep me 100% confidence, but it's a pill that helps me to attain that 100%.

There are days when I forget to do them. But I don't panic when I do.
I just brush off the dust and stand.

Writing is one of my coping mechanisms in life, and I can't imagine my day without writing.

If you haven't tried it, I suggest you give it a try.

Gratitude Sundays: A day to give thanks.

I thank God for inventing the internet and all the wonderful inventions we're seeing.

Wisdom from my Mother: Reflecting on what a parent imparts

You only get one biological mother and father.

I've lost my dad, so I only have my mom left.

I've noticed my mom is a treasure trove of wisdom, considering everything she's been through.

So why not document it and share it to the world?

May my mom's wisdom help you, whoever you are.

Work Reflections Fridays: A Well-rounded blog

Of course this is going to be a well-rounded blog!

I just can't write about my writing and personal endeavors, right?

I have to include what I learned from a week's work.

And no, I am not going to badmouth the people I work with.

This day is dedicated to reflect upon the learnings I discovered for the past week.

So this week's reflections might be reflected on next week's posting.

I go to work five days a week. that's a minimum of forty hours.

So why not make something productive and learn from it?

And why not share it?

 I hope you can learn something from me, and if you happen to disagree, feel free to drop a comment.

Either way, I hope this day will help me appreciate my work, my workmates, and the clients I serve. and hopefully, it will have the same effect for you to..

Creative Thursdays: A corner for creative pursuits.

I used to a be a visual artist.

I wore that label proudly.

But real life got in the way, and I had no choice but to ditch that label.

Do you have any idea how confusing and hurtful it is?

You grow up believing you are going to be a Visual Artist, and one day, it's gone.

Labels aren't inherently bad. I even depend on them to understand myself as an individual.

But to believe and allow your life to revolve around a label... well, that's a different issue.

I'm no longer confining myself to one label.

Visual Artist. Storyteller. Writer. Sketch Hobbyist. Bum. Whatever.

Thursdays are dedicated to posting anything creative endeavor I pursue. It's a day to write about the process. what I learned. What I could improve. Or something that interests me.

Yes, I'm dedicating one day for you.

They say art thrives with constraints.

The more limits you impose, the more creative you can be.

Let's see what I can accomplish.

Will I write crap?

Will I write something that a creative person will find interesting?

Will I write something that never deserves to be read again?

Or Will I just write?