The sad thing about writing fanfiction

Writing fanfics has given me this feeling I've never felt in a long time.
I'm suddenly transported to my earlier years, the period where I sincerely believed that I could plan something and make it happen.

Yet I'm guilty because another voice inside me tells me, "Why are you wasting your time and sweat to create stories based on another company-owned people? You could actually create your own original, sell it online, and make profit!"

Whatever satisfaction I feel vanishes, and I fall back into a slump.

I wonder how many fan fiction writers, or writers even, feel the same way as I'm feeling right now?

Courage Club Update

So... how's my courage club membership? 

Well, to be honest... my brave goal... it changed. 

One of my goals is writing fanfics, yet I chose to write a book. 

I had a nice start. Until I devoted most of my time writing fics. Until my waking hours were consumed of Final Fantasy 7 and 8 fics (boy, I sure came late into the fandom huh?)

By the time this is uploaded, I've already finished two FF8 fics, with one ff7 about to be done. 

When that time comes, my head is spinning with ideas to write. Sheesh!

When you realize you're ugly

My mother pictured me happily playing with the dog. It was an unflattering picture, I tell you.

Not because the dog wasn't cute. The dog was adorable! How could you not find a Shih Tzu cute?

My mom...took and posted an unflattering picture of me.

She was incredibly happy. No, she was not gloating how ugly I was in the pic. She was happy that I was happy with the dog when she pictured us.

I, however, interpreted it differently.

Shit, I really am ugly. 

I wasn't at my best when she took the picture. I was wearing a comfortable over-sized shirt. My hair was wet and loose. My face was oily. Yeah. Not facebook material alright.

So when I accidentally saw it... you can guess my reaction.

I felt the whole world collapse. I went to my mom's bedroom and told her how I felt. Mom was plain happy of course. Couldn't blame her. So I just went to the computer to print some office reports when this idea hit me.

"You're concerned about ugliness huh? When have you been so obsessed about it? Everyone has their ugly points."

I opened my blogger account and typed the ideas I had about ugliness (this blog entry).

I was never conscious about being "ugly" before. it was only when I accepted the notion that I was supposed to be "beautiful"that things became messy and awkward for me. Like, I had certain physical standards to maintain. I had to maintain my physique. I had to maintain my face. I had to maintain how I presented myself... sometimes, it feels tiring.

I just want to be the woman who's comfortable wearing over-sized shirts, loose shorts with a mickey mouse headband at home.

That's my persona at home. Not the beautiful and softspoken lady you'd find when you visit me at the office. I am someone who doesn't really care about personal experiences when I'm in my house. Yeah, definitely NOT facebook material.

But still... no one lives on an island. I gotta conform you know? Gotta present myself to the society as presentable as I can.

No wonder some people post their most beautiful pictures online, as if presenting to the world how beautiful and happy they are (uh-oh, I can detect some bitterness here). I stopped posting mine, because I didn't constantly want to tell the world, "Hey look at me! Look at pretty little me, having the time of her life!"I let others take the pictures and post it online. I'd rather be the person enjoying the moment. I'm not saying that everyone who posts pretty pictures are , well, like bragging. Some people out there genuinely like to share pretty stuff. Good for them. But there are some who.. were, like to get validated. And I fear that I'm one of them. Hence, I'd rather not post pictures of myself anymore. I'd just like to keep them to myself, or share in a private group of friends. It's much more personal that way.

Now look at this piece of entry I've written here! All because of a picture!

Create what you Like

source: www.malaspabras.com

I spent two years to plot and write the story I wanted to read. Never mind if I cringed after re-reading it. I can live with that.

Erasers and "Ctrl+Z" exist for a reason.

I liked Wild Arms 2 since I was 12 years old. I  liked it so much that I wanted to know what were the backstories of the villains. I liked them so much that I actually created webcomics about one of them and hosted it at SmackJeeves and ComicFury.

I liked Final Fantasy 8 since I was 10 or 11 years old too. I always wondered how Julia gave up quickly on Laguna, and why Laguna chose to stay in Winhill over going back to his true love. I wondered so much that I wrote "Your Eyes on Me." Never mind if I cringed after re-reading it.

I write what I like, even if I don't get paid for it. Yet it is every writer's, or if not some, dream to be paid for their work. Copyright Laws hinder me from directly profiting from the fanfictions I wrote, but I can always take the Highway E.L. James took with 50 Shades of Grey. Well, that's a story for another day.

Point is, the moment I started to write the story I wanted to read, regardless of the horrible feeling when I reread it (because I can't believe that I actually penned it), life became brighter.

Life became happier. I felt unburdened. I felt less depressed (okay, depressed is overkill). The cloud of dissatisfaction that sat in my head became clearer. The cloud hasn't gone away. It's still there.

It all starts with write what you like.

Or more like, Create what you like.

Conflicting viewpoints in art

People interpret differently.

One author preaches it's quality over quantity.

Another author preaches a different thing. It's quantity over quality.

Now which is the correct viewpoint?

I believe there's no correct viewpoint.

It's how we choose to interpret these viewpoints, and how we use them, is what's correct.

My need to always create quality works killed my enthusiasm in creating art. That is why it was refreshing to know that it was actually okay to produce bad works.

From a collection of bad works, I could pick one and enhance it... increasing it's quality .

Lesson #3 : It's how we choose to interpret and use our viewpoints that makes art-making personal and true.

How to learn something new about making art

The past few days have been reviewing what I know and don't know about art.

Drapery. Hair illustration. Leaves. Colors.

I've been busy reading online tutorials, observing real life, writing notes and sketching how I understood these lessons.

I see things differently now.

A far cry from my teenage self, who believed she knew everything.

Lesson #2: A full cup is not receptive to receive anything new

The growth killer called Ego

As a teenager, I thought I knew everything about art. That I was better than my ex-bestfriend in creating art.

I forgot that people change, and boy did we change!

Ex-bestfriend is an incredibly talented artist.

And me?

My ego stopped me from growing.

Lesson number 1: Do not let your ego think you're the best. You aren't.

Simple Movements for Simple Fitness

I can't believe I'm saying this. 

I stopped going to the gym. 

I think squatting with improper failed injured my knee. 

At this rate, I decided to go back to the basics. 

Bodyweight exercises. Walking. Pushups. Hanging from my push-up bar, biking on my stationary bike while I read... 

I'm aimig for small and easy changes. Sustainable ones. 

I just hope that one day, my efforts will compound over time, and when I look back, my mantra was worth it.

I admit: I took up weightlifting because I believed it was the fastest and easiest way to lose fat and shape my body. 

But I can't do weightlifting forever. I don't want to pay for a gym membership forever. I just want to enjoy the outdoors and see what my body can do. 

Just like how I used to do as a child. 

"Earth Gym", as I fondly call it. The world is my gym and playground.. simple movements for simple fitness

Beautiful Penmanship

"You're handwriting is beautiful."

I receive a compliments like these.....and strangely, I don't believe them.  In fact, I don't see my penmanship to be beautiful.

"But why, Nurj?" 

Why?

Because I never received the same compliment as a child.

It's a pattern. A ridiculously dangerous pattern it my life. "Whatever happened to me as a kid is the only true thing, and the things that happen when I became an adult aren't true."

To cite an example... physical attractiveness.

I never saw myself as a beautiful person, even as a young child. I saw myself as, "the bestfriend of the most beautiful person in the classroom." I did receive compliments that I was pretty, but the thing is... I never represented beauty pagents, never got approached to become a model, etc.... So in my young mind, I deemed myself to be, "A plain girl who's just in the background."

Now that I'm an adult, the story has changed. I receive a lot of compliments how beautiful, cute or pretty I am  or how they envy my fair skin.

But still... no matter how many compliments I receive... no matter how many men try to hit on me...

I still find it hard to believe.

When you have a negative scripting in your childhood, it can be difficult to change.

But still, things aren't set in stone. I'm optimistic.

So going back to the original topic....I didn't see or believe myself to have a beautiful penmanship as a child. I always saw "them" who had it. For example, I had a classmate named Che-Che in elementary and highschool. Che and I aren't that close. Even though we've been classmates since Pre-school.

Che-Che has a really beautiful penmanship. It looks extremely elegant (okay, maybe "extreme" is highly subjective). I've always heard people telling her she has beautiful penmanship.

Me? Nada.

I tried to improve my own penmanship. My penmanship varies, depending on the pen and paper I'm using.Writing morning pages, however, made me believe my handwriting became ugly. I had to write incredibly fast to jot down my thoughts.

Imaging to my immense surprise when people see my handwriting for the first time and say comments like these: "It's so beautiful!" "It looks like a font."

I'm always surprised.

... and as usual,  I shoot down the comment. "Depends on the Pen". or "No, it's not."

But it really had me thinking....

"Why do I have such a low opinion my abilities?"

Morning Pages Treasures

Morning Pages are a source of inspiration.

I've been writing them for almost six years, but not once have I taken the time and effort to cull out ideas worth cultivating.

I've binged on my Julia Cameron books for the past few days, and her latest book has inspired me to do the cull out.

I wrote my pages today, and immediately highlighted some concepts that interested me, or prompted me to take action:

1. I always liked to draw. 

2. I might as well teach them a thing or two about conceptualization. About appreciating and beating the time limit. Teach them that there is not bad way to create art, but personal preferences exist. Teach that it's all about telling stories. Theme. Concept. Objects. Relationships. The Magic of 3. 

3. Looking at Shilin Huang and Loika's art inspires me to draw again... to create concept art. 

4. One thing I never did was study what I wanted to improve on (visual arts)

5. I instilled discipline when I wanted to watch Scooby Doo at 5AM. I was desperate to watch it. 

6. But if I can find my scooby doo....

7. Why not watch youtube vids after I wake up?

8. One factor that hinders me from writing is... "logical order. The belief to write in an orderly manner and in logical sequences." That belief is a dream killer, I tell you! 

9. Here's the antidote: when an idea grips you, strongly grips you, write it. If it's a dialogue between two people, plot it down. Never mind if you don't know who they are, or what their backstories are. But write! Just write!

10. Masters don't sit down and immediately produce a masterpiece. It doesn't work that way. I guess. They sit down, play the notes, play the keys, hoping and looking for the perfect, if not, appropriate tune. When they find it, they preserve the melody. 

11. Ultimately, the characters or the music must reflect whatever they're supposed to reflect. 

12. I want to study music writing. I want to compose songs. 

13. But I want to give myself a chance it music making. I must try. 

14. But you can't easily discard food. Wait. What's the difference? Money and the idea that someone could benefit from the food. To lessen the costs, go for smaller portions and use cheaper ingredients first. (On why I do not like to Cook)

15. Make use of everything. Make beautiful art. Create beautiful flavors. 

The ideas are somewhat broken, but I guess it doesn't matter.

What matters is that I culled out these little treasures, and I'm seeing for the first time the nuggets of hope, learnings and wishes buried in my soul.

I should do this often!

Writing is easy

I used to fear the blank canvas. I still do. 

Flashback to my elementary days, I dreaded writing for my Formal Theme Book. 

I had no idea how to write. 

"Get the core. write in 5 paragraphs." my teachers would instruct me. 

Perhaps it was the rigidity that frightened me. Ha, the irony! (because I can be rather rigid with rules)

I had no idea how to write. But I wrote. I was pressured to write. I had to write. 

or else, I would fail. 

I had bad experiences with writing. I would get lazy and ask my mom to write it... only to realize my mom, too, wasn't good with her grammar. I asked my friend to read it and she told her how awful the grammar and syntax was (sorry mom!). 

But that didn't stop me from writing. I liked to write stories. Even if people couldn't relate to them or the characters I created. 

Then in 2010, in the midst of a heartbreak, I discovered Julia Cameron's Morning Pages. 

I followed what she preached. I found myself writing 3 pages everyday. It was a grueling routine. I would wake up at 5 AM and write for 3 pages. 

2010-2012 were years dedicated to heartbreak, Acne, Board Exam, and my webcomic dreams. 

I was never consistent in this practice. I'd forget about it. Really. 

A few days later, I would find myself really cranky and I would turn to my notebook and pen to write. The effect was therapeutic, and I have not looked back since then. 

Last year, I discovered James Altucher and I tried his "10 ideas a day". I experimented and was consistent in doing to for 7 months. By the 8-10 month, I became inconsistent. The experience taught me something valuable. 

It's easy to generate ideas. The only question is, Is it Good or Bad?

The practice also taught me how to be comfortable with bad ideas.

Now, wow did this practice affect my writing ability?

I ignored the proper punctuation marks I learned in my formal school years. 

I chose to write in my voice. If my writing actually had a voice. 

After 6 months of writing, I discovered that writing was easy. You can write anything. As long as you don't judge it. 

The moment you have judged yourself, you have rendered your writing ability a death sentence. 

I'm speaking from my personal perspective though. 

Blogging daily helps me. Even if I don't actually blog everyday. 

Two reasons I started to blog daily were to instill discipline and to be proud that I had produced a body of work. I would have never created 30 plus blogposts in 2 months if I followed my usual routine of "I'll just write and post when I feel like it."

It didn't work for me. 

But "I'll write 2 or 3 posts today and schedule them. Then maybe tomorrow I can write another 2 or 3 more entries and schedule them again." worked. 

It works for me, and that's why I'm hammering my keyboard, churning out for ideas. 

The contents of the blog are a different matter. Looking over my published posts, it's a salad of ideas. I envy bloggers who have found their niche, and who can monetize their niche.

Me? I'm still wondering how I can do it. 

Everyone has their own pace. 

Web Fiction Part 2

August 12, 2016

As of writing this post, I have created 3 blogs dedicated to my planned fiction. 

I have created three posts for The Oath. Good. I'm going to abandon that project for awhile.

I fell into the trap of the Shiny Pebble Syndrome. 

Starting fiction sites are, well, shiny. 

It's sparkling. It's beautiful. It's distracting. 

Nevertheless, it's allure is potent that I couldn't help myself but create those sites on blogspot. 

Today, I decided to abandon The Oath. 

The story has potential, but I have to let it incubate first. I'm focusing on my book right now, 

Today, I wrote on my morning pages. I wrote and wrote, trying to decode why I felt unhappy for the past few days. 

One of the things that popped was that I felt my life was a mess, or my room also felt like a mess. 

And my room was actually a mess!

I wrote and wrote again, trying to search for a solution. Something popped out. 

Start a Routine.

Oh great. A routine. 

Routines are a hit-miss for me. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. 

Like writing fiction. Sometimes I get it. Sometimes I don't. 

One thing I did get right was blogging daily (or more like blogging my personal woes to the personal world). I got it right because I set myself a simple goal: Publish a blogpost daily. That was my goal. I used a different strategy. I create buffer posts and schedule when it'll be posted. Does that count as cheating? Maybe. I didn't say, "I will write and post daily."

Let me tell you this. Writing is a chore. It drains my mental capacity to think. Sometimes, I get a flash flood of ideas, and my only choice is to write them. Sometimes, it's a really bad drought, and I face the blank paper not knowing what to write. 

But I still manage to write. After all, my goal is to publish a blogpost daily. It doesn't matter how I do it. As long as I hit it, I will definitely hit it. 

I want to create another fiction. A storybook-like webfiction, where storybook-like is defined as, having a page for who the characters will be, illustrations of the map, a glossary of the characters.... something like that. 

I know I can't devote a lot of time to create webcomics. I don't have the luxury of time as I had when I was younger. Drawing is time consuming. Writing is time consuming. But I can always try, can't I?

I want to create a storybook-like webfiction. It's a dream of sorts. It's a big, courageous dream. Right now, I have a different priority. 

Dreaming is okay. I tell myself. 

Work on your dreams, one step at a time. 

I paid 800 pesos to learn important lessons on keeping money

My suspicions were confirmed.

Today (Aug 12) , I discovered that some cash in my store money was stolen.

For the past few days, I noticed that the coin purse was becoming lighter and lighter.

I knew that I had a couple of hundred bills in my store wallet before I left for Manila. But it's a totally different story.

I don't blame anyone, but myself.

I had left the money in my cabinet, unlocked.

At least money was still left, a thousand pesos.

My capital is still preserved. I still have my stocks.

The learning, however,  is priceless.

Always lock where your money is stored, no matter how little it is. 

Always account for your stocks. 

Never let your guard down, when it comes to money. 

Am I angry?

No, of course not. 

I know it was my fault. I can't just pinpoint who stole my money. 

The culprit stole almost hundreds from me. I believe more than 500 pesos. 

It could have been worse. 

The culprit could have stolen my entire store earnings. But the culprit didn't. 

The culprit didn't just steal from me, but taught me valuable lessons. 

Lessons that wouldn't hit home if it never happened. 

Phony Part 2

I wrote earlier how I was invited to be a resource speaker, and my mind was scrambling on what to speak.

I hadn't drawn in the longest time, and my interests in the creative arts had shifted from drawing to writing.

"Okay, what do I do now, Nurj?"

I said yes to this once in a life time opportunity, because it IS a once in a life time opportunity.

I said yes to this opportunity because I made a promise to myself that 2016 would be the year when I try to do different things.

2016 is about taking little steps, and going outside of the beloved comfort zone.

I'm not the greatest resource speaker in the world.

I'm an introvert. I stammer. I'm a perfectionist. I'm serious.

But when I create powerpoint presentations, I always find myself putting 9gag memes.

Memes.

There is something about memes that make me happy, then makes everything not become serious.

I was going to speak... and I had no idea how and what to deliver.

I binged on chocolate crinkles my friend gave me from Baguio City and as I went to the pantry room to brush my teeth, a trail of thoughts flashed through my mind.

Use theme and concept.

 Use the "how to fail" idea.

 Ground it on the idea that 'All advice is autobiographical'

As I brushed my teeth, the ideas came to me, pouring like the rain. By the time I finished, I had an inkling on what to present.

I had to present my honesty.

I had to present my experience.

I had to present what I had done.

I had to present what I had not done.

I had to present everything in 20 minutes.

20 minutes is enough, and at the same time, it isn't enough.

To speak on how to draw and cram into 20 minutes is ridiculous.

But it's possible, after all... refer to Parkinson's Law.

"Work expands to fill the time it's alloted for."

20 minutes is enough.

New Art Blog!

Hola!

For the nth time, I started another blog/artblog/sketchblog called Nurjean's Sketchblog. 

Very unoriginal title, I know.

It's a product of reading Julia Cameron and my experience as being a resource speaker during The Rock's Junior Staff Exam. I had the privilege to be represent the Rock Fossils' Art department and share my knowledge about taking the exam and creating art.

Truth is, I dreaded it...giving that talk.

Now, I dunno if I can consider it luck, but only ONE person appeared.

Yep, ONE. 

I immediately changed my strategy and decided to have a one on one talk. 

The other rockers gathered around and we had a little sharing....

and that sharing rekindled the tiny flame I harbored for the visual arts. 

What if.... what if I tried again?

I was reading Julia Cameron's The Sound of Paper, and I think she had a little hand in helping me try again. 

I have nothing to lose. 

Failure is just not trying. 

And the least I can do is just try!

Phony

What have I done?

It's already August 11 and I am going to speak about "how to draw" on August 14.

Oh my God.

It's frightening me.

How could I have said "Yes" to my former Editor in Chief?

I absolutely feel like a phony.

I no longer draw.

I chose to write.

And I'm giving a talk about how to draw?

Just what... Just what could I possible share now?

Shiny Pebble Syndrome Part 2

I think I wrote in another entry how easily tempted I am with starting new projects.

I started another blog, inspired by George M. Frost's The Zombie Knight.

It's titled, The Oath . (Yes, sorry for the cheesy title)..

I planned to archive it and use it as another project in the future.

But you know... when you feel that creative urge, my only choice is to act on it.

I created a blog for it, wrote a couple of posts.

Well, I started it knowing how it would end.

Yet I have totally no idea what will happen in between (I do know what important key points will be).

And I'm just writing.

Writing and writing.

Nothing is fixed in stone, of course.

Bold Visions for my Fanfics

Bold Projects.

I definitely want to publish the fanfictions I write (E.L. James Style).

But not right now.

I want to publish the fanfictions I write... for free.

I don't own the characters, after all.

But I do own the scenarios I crafted. I do own the roles they had to play for the story.

Today (August 5), I had a crazy idea.

Publish the compiled fanfictions on Amazon, Smashwords, or even, in this blog site.

Publish it in .Mobi, .Epub, or PDF files.

Make a book.

Distribute it for free.

Failure is subjective

"You can go where you want to go. Be who you want to be. Change the Way you Live. You can go where you want to go. Be who you want to be.Try to Be Positive."

Failure is commonly taught is, "Failure is when you don't achieve what you want to achieve"

They say, define your definition of Success.

Success if relative.

What about changing the definition of Failure?

Why not change the definition of Failure that will encourage and Support you?

I was taught that Failure is bad.

Well, Failure IS bad.

It's awful.

It's horrifying.

It feels like it's the end of the world.

The end of your shame.

You have nothing else to present.

But Failure doesn't have to be that way.

I needed to change my personal definition of Failure.

I try to read a lot.

And I discovered Sara Blakely.

Web Fiction

I discovered this webfiction called The Zombie Knight. (I'm still in chapter 6. Downloaded the ebook version. It's actually great!)

The serial type.. well, inspired me again.

My only problem is the market.

Where will I find them?

Would it be better if I went to Wattpad or Smashwords?

I hold Sara Blakely's inspiring words to my chest.

“Embrace what you don’t know, especially in the beginning, 

because what you don’t know can become your greatest asset. It ensures that you will absolutely be doing things different from everybody else.” 

Creation equals Labor

When an idea holds you within its grip,  there is no choice but to create. 

I tried to explain it to my mother.

"It's like giving birth to a child. When you feel your uterus contracting, when the baby's head is engaged, your uterus will cramp the hell out of you just to push that baby out of your body. Giving life to ideas is just like that. Creating is always like that. It always feels like giving birth. You have no other choice but to push it forward. If you didn't. The baby would kill you. If you didn't, it would kill the baby."

Applying the Three Act Structure, as taught by Steven Pressfield

I changed my writing approach.

(All hail Steven Pressfield!)

Okay, that was just a joke.

But yes, I changed my writing approach.

How?

For starters, I went back to the basics.

I understood in 30 minutes what took me 14 years of education tried to teach me.

(All hail Steven Pressfield!)

He simply made me understand what Theme is. What the Inciting Incident Is. What Climax Is. What narrative device is. What the Three Act structure is. How to Use the Three Act Structure.

He made everything so simple.

Like, for example. Here's how I applied what I learned from him:

========================================================================

Act 1:  Julia decides to move on with her life without the ghosts of her past

Act 2: Her attempts to become a better wife and mother.

Act 3: Julia’s confession that she loves her husband and their child and is happy that she is with them

Inciting Incident: Cradling Rinoa and Caraway waking up to change the diapers

Climax: Confession to Caraway that she loves him.

POV: Julia

Theme: Creating a new life without letting the ghosts of your past haunt you. 

================================================= 

Okay. It's far from perfect. 

But I was finally able to write Chapter 14. 

I knew how it would start. I knew how it would end. 

A far cry from my previous attempts, wherein I would just dive into the chapter with a vague idea how to write the chapter. 

There you have it!

Thanks Pressfield!

4 Memorable tidbits from Steven Pressfield

He had me at four words. 

One day, you'll meet a blogger that will change an aspect of your life.

Like, how you view your hobby for instance. 

Adapting their mindset changes everything. 

Adapting their mindset changes you. 

Adapting their mindset enhances you. 

I met Steven Pressfield through CJ Chilvers.

And I'm grateful that I started to read CJ's material 2 months ago. 

I've binged on Steven's works over 2 days. 

Nobody Reads Your Sh*t.

Do Work. 

The Authentic Swing. 

The War of Art.

I think I read War of Art three years ago. I remember I found it boring. 

Not anymore. 

Of his writings, here are some tidbits I'd like to share. It is my deepest desire that his words touch your life, the same way his touch mine. 

1. Nobody Reads Your Shit.

2. You have not chosen the story. The story has chosen you. 

3. Theme is everything. Once we know the theme, we know the climax, we know the protagonist, we know the antagonist, we know the supporting characters, we know the opening, we know the throughline.

4. If you want to write and be recognized, you have to do it yourself. 

Story Theme

Every story must have a thing. Every protagonist must embody that theme. 

- Steven Pressfield

For years, I've toyed with a Wild Arms 2 Fanfiction. 

No not with the main protagonists. 

They're not interesting. 

But the Villains are. Even if their dialogues were poorly translated.

That was the reason why I became attached to the characters. 

Because they were interesting. 

Antenora, for instance. 

RPGenius wrote something about her, and I couldn't agree more. 

The character is the type you'd typically find in Shakespeare Plays.

It was a character that appealed to me. 

For years, I toyed with the idea of creating her backstory. 

I don't own the character, but I needed to scratch my itch. 

It took me 12 years to finally put a finale to her backstory. 

I was contented with how I wrote it, despite with its flaring flaws. 

I took a step back. 

What is her story all about? What is it trying to point out? What is the theme?

How the pursuit of revenge changes you as a person. 

What you are willing to sacrifice for that pursuit.

 How willing are you to do the dirty stuff, just to see the realization of a worthy ideal?

It's not just Antenora's story. 

It's also the story of her comrades in Odessa (A terrorist Organization) and their financial backer. 

I dunno why I'm so invested into these types of stories. 

It's probably because I've also worn the same shoes. 

I found my Diamond Field

I forgot who said this, but it goes like this: Doing something repeatedly, expecting that something will happen, is insanity.

Then call me insane.

I've been blogging daily for one month now.

It was a simple experiment I picked up from Seth Godin and CJ Chilvers.

It was a dare.

Would I get more readers?

Hah! As if I'd get them.

I mean, who would come here and read my sh*t?

"Nobody wants to read your own sh*t"

          - Steven Pressfield

It's discouraging. I know. 

Yet I continue to write. Like a miner, endlessly digging the ground to search for a diamond field. 

In my case, I'm looking for my diamond field called "Niche".

Through out the years, I've changed. Like the cliche goes, "Nothing is permanent in this world but change."

My interests and hobbies changed. 

I was into drawing as a kid and teenager. 

I'm now into writing and fiction. 

I once proclaimed I would love Japanese Anime and JRPGs. 

I now proclaim to love non-fiction and personal development books. 

I allowed myself to enjoy the variety of interests I've developed. 

I no longer confined myself to games, and TV shows. 

Though I still confine myself to books. 

Then one day, it happened. 

I was passionate about group's cause. That cause was "Spiritual and Financial Abundance".

I'm passionate about it because I'm a beneficiary of the group. 

I've experienced the benefits firsthand. 

And I wanted to write about it. 

I wanted to share my experience and hope that someone gets converted *lol*. 

But seriously, I want people to experience the same benefits I'm receiving. 

Hence I started another blog: The Truly Rich Club Experience

I've found my Diamond Field. 

And I'm giving myself a shot. 

Failure, after all, is simply not trying. 

And I want to try.

How to Stand Out in Quora

Here's what I learned in Quora lately, and I would like to present it in less than 10 sentences. 

Quora is asking for an animal.

Lots of people provide their own version of the animal.

Same animal.

Different Colors.

Yet it's how you package that animal that matters.

It's the packaging that determines how many views or upvotes it gets.

The more convoluted the animal looks, the more it disappears in the sea of answers.

The more simple and easy the animal looks, the more it stands a change to rise above the sea of answers.

Same animal, different packaging.

Shiny Pebble called Fan Fiction

It happened.

The Shiny Pebble Syndrome Arriane mentioned.

Only that... I don't know.

I still want to publish an ebook to establish myself as a writer.

But the content has changed.

I want to write fiction.

I don't want to write about my experience with videogames right now.

Fiction.

Fanfiction.

Someone help me.

Anonymity is a blessing

I've read somewhere that you should continue to write, even if no one's reading.

Anonymity is a blessing.

Obscurity is a blessing.

It gives you the freedom to create what you want to create.

Say "Yes!" And be a Truly Rich Club Member to change your financial life

2 years ago, I was like a chicken.

I wanted to invest in the stock market. The only problem was, I didn't know how. 

I didn't know anyone who invested in the Philippine Stock Exchange. And believe me. 

As a 22 year old who was somewhat financially incompetent, it was scary. 

But what I do know is my burning desire to improve my life, my financial life rather. 

Nothing would happen unless I did something different. 

Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich was my favorite book by August 2014. To check the veracity of what was written in the book, I tried it. 

I wrote the steps necessary to invest in the Philippine Stock Market. I read it twice enough. True enough, I took action. 

It was weird talking to yourself about your plans and not doing them. So I did just that! 

Prior to investing, I bought myself an annual Truly Rich Club Membership. There was actually a monthly subscription, but I chose to go with the annual plan. 

It was discounted! XD

Once I became a member, everything was smooth sailing. I sent my application forms to COL Financial, continued my "Think and Grow Rich" ritual and the rest is history! 

I'm a regular investor at The Philippine Stock Exchange, and I'm proud to say that it's one of the best decisions I've made. 

I only wish I did it sooner... like, when I was younger. 

Another decision I'm proud of as well? 

When I finally said "YES!" To becoming a Truly Rich Club (TRC) Member. 

For those who don't know, TRC is founded by Bro. Bo Sanchez, a popular Filipino Catholic Lay Preacher in our country. 

I've read his works ever since I was still in high school. He's an excellent writer! 

What's so special about being a TRC member then? 

Let me sum it up in three words:

Spiritual and Financial Wisdom

I am nourished of the daily God Whispers sent to me daily. I am nourished by the Wealth Strategies Bro. Bo sends me monthly. I am nourished by the Powertalks and audiobooks I listen to. I am nourished by the free books I received from the very beginning. I am confident on what stocks to purchase in the stockmarket because of the SAM table. I am confident because of the monthly Wealth Strategy and Stocks Update Newsletters I receive and so much more! 

If you are interested to invest in the Philippine Stock Exchange to make your money grow to help support your future, I definitely recommend COL Financial.

And I would definitely recommend being a member of the Truly Rich Club. Being a member has DEFINITELY helped me change the direction of my finance. I would like you to experience the same thing too. 

Go here to check out the blessings you'll receive once you're a member! 

I promise you---it's worth it!

The Nostalgia of listening to Video Game Music

I'm listening to the music of my childhood--- Japanese Role Playing Games Music.

Video Game Music (VGM) , for short.

When I was young, I found it strange that I could not understand the kind of music my peers were listening.

N'SYNC. Destiny's Child. Avril Lavigne.

Me?

I'd get my tape recorder and record the video game music playing from the TV.

That was one of my simplest joys in life... to listen to VGM.

Of course, I grew up and my playstation broke down.

I managed to retain my CDs, but my emulator can't play all games.

It can't play Arc the Lad 3. It can't play Chrono Cross.

But it definitely plays my favorite games.

Games that aren't time consuming.

So where was I?

Oh yes... Nostalgia.

Nostalgia sells, especially to former JRPG gamers like me.

I'm listening to Wild Arms 2's OST over youtube and my heart is bleeding!

Suddenly, I'm transported back to my days a child, where my only concerns were to study and get good grades in school & finish whatever JRPG I was playing.

Listening to the music I always heard as a kid brings me a lot of memories.

Memories of safety. Memories of adventure. Memories of excitement.

Just plain memories.

Memories ..... and nostalgia.

Wild Arms 2: Heroes and Villains

I bought a playstation game in 2001, but managed to get deeply involved with it in 2004.

That game was Wild Arms 2. 

Despite the bad reviews that game got, despite the fact that it was badly localized... I loved it.

I loved it despite the flaws that were blatantly obvious. Poor translation. That it paled to the original Wild Arms. blah blah blah

You could call it. "Loving someone who's unlovable."

There was something about Wild Arms 2 that struck me until today.

I cannot get over the story and the characters.

Truth is, I cannot get over the villains of that story.

Those villains were "Terrorists", by the way.

So why am I obsessed with the baddies?

Is there something wrong with my morality?

Maybe not.

But there's something about Wild Arms 2 that I'd like to share.

It was the first game that made me question the concept of "Heroes" and "Villains".

The protagonist was someone who didn't want to be a hero. The protagonist's girlfriend did want him to be a hero.

Because heroes exist when there's war. Because heroes exist when there's chaos. Because heroes die. 

Then there's "Odessa", the terrorist group terrorizing the world I'm protecting.

...only that they are terrorists because they were "hired" to be one.

They were hired to become terrorists so that the world would unite. They were hired in preparation of a dimensional being that threatened to devour their world.

They were paid to become the "bad guys"for the greater good.

They were the sacrificial lambs.

And the tragedy is that the developers, Media.Vision and Contrail, did not expound their stories!

What pushed Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus to accept Irving's proposition? (SPOILERS: Irving is the protagonist's boss. Irving is also the financial source of the terrorist group. Irving played us all!)

What pushed the Cocytus (Caina, Judecca, Ptolomea and Antenora) to believe in Vinsfeld and Irving?

Why were they willing to be put in such a bad light, just to save the world?

I'm dying to learn the answers, unfortunately, I will never get them.

 It's such a strong urge that sixteen years later, it's an itch I cannot scratch.

Perhaps it's because of my interest in Psychology and curiosity to understand the reasons why a person makes the choices they do.

This also made me think about the villains, or the baddies in my own life.

I don't think they exist to make my life a living hell.

I think they exist to make me realize the diversity of life. The diversity of people. The diversity of beliefs and opinions.

Diversity.

Oh, look at what I wrote just because of a badly translated videogame!

Progress with push-ups

Finally!

In 2013, I couldn't a single push-up.

I decided to train my body and start with 10 knee push-ups.

When I could do 20 knee push-ups, my friend told me to do one push-up.

Just one.

I can remember the day I did it. It was a hot afternoon. I had finally pushed myself from the ground.

Finally!

My next challenge was doing 2 consecutive push-ups.

So I trained again. After 4 weeks and once a week weightlifting, I could finally hit 4-5 consecutive push-ups.

And then I stopped. I went back to someone who couldn't do a single push-up.

Then this year, I decided to male fitness a part of my lifestyle.

I went back to the gym and lifted weights.

On July 27, I gave myself another shot.

Prior to that date, I had been doing 5 sets of 5 reps of pushups. Couple that with  benchpressing 25 Ibs for almost a month, I was able to break my record!

7. 10. 7. 10.

34 pushups!

Finally!