A Chameleon with No Ambition

"You have no ambition."

I was not surprised. No ouch or anything. I just laughed.

Deep down, I knew it.

She was like a polished mirror who revealed what I had rejected all along.

"You have no ambition, whereas he has the ambition to be a General. But you're the kind who's okay with anything. You're not the choosy. If you were to select a wardrobe, you'd pick anything, whereas he would carefully choose his."

"You're the type of person who can play the role of a poor and rich girl. You know how to adjust. *Kung pobre, kaya mong makibagay. hindi ka namimili. Pero kung mayaman, kaya mo talagang makili-level at kumilos ng mayaman."

*translation: you can mingle with those less fortunate than you. you can also mingle with those way above you on the income level

(the context of the conversation involved a guy I dated in late 2015)

***

Great, so I'm a chameleon with no ambition. 

Am I supposed to be proud of that, or what?

That explains why, ever since as I was young as 6, I didn't know what I exactly wanted to be.

My classmates wanted to be policemen, doctors, successful people.... and I just picked whatever were parents were.

Before, I wanted to be a comic book artist and a videogame developer. Suddenly I wanted to be a writer. 

My ambitions, or a lack of ambition thereof, is like a double-edged sword.

On one end, it gives me the flexibility to adapt. On the other end, I look like a Jack-Of-All-Trades-yet-master-of-none.

I envy people who know what they want, and pursue what they want. I really envy the ones who have the guts to realize their dreams. 

They aren't just dreaming dreams , they are MATERIALIZING their dreams!

Dreams? 

Even my dreams aren't ambitious. 

Just low-key ones.

I dream of the day I will stop working, the day where my little green employees savings will work and multiply themselves for me, the day I can wake up and do whatever I want, the day I don't have to worry about living paycheck to paycheck.

But that's b*llsh*t. We live to work.

Well, at least it's an ambition, nevertheless, yes?

A Tale of Two English Teachers

Once upon a time, I had 2 English Teachers. 

The first one loved me. 

The second one hated me. 

One loved my writing and told me about it. I was flattered. God knows what I wrote for her like it. 

But the second one... my God, she told me my writing gave her a headache!

Not only did she tell it to me, but she also blurted it in front of the class. I was so embarrassed!

That incident made me doubt my capability to write. 

***

We all have these people: those who love you, and those who absolutely hate you. 

You can't please two masters at the same time. 

You will either love one, or hate the other. 

In my case, I hated the second one, not because she told me my writing was horrible and gave her a headache, but with the way she told it to me.

We need to deal and accept these people.

They don't like you and what you can or will do. 

Period. 

Yet it also humbles me to know that I have been someone's "hated person". 

Their black sheep. The bane of their existence. The pain in their neck.

The truth hurts. It's hard to swallow, especially when someone tells you about it or gossip tells you.

                What do you do with the ones who love you?

                                  Thank them. 

                    Genuine friends are hard to come by. Value and treasure these kind of people.

                What do you with the ones who hate you?

                               Pray for them, if you're a religious person.

                 But how about for those who seek a non-religious answer?

                                  Thank them as well.

                     Because these people ground you and make you humble. 

                     You can't please everybody, and they can't please everybody. 

Once upon a time, I had 2 English Teachers.

Despite my unpleasant experience with the second one, I know that I'm still grateful to her.

I learned that I still have a wide room for improvement. 

For as long as I live, I will persist.

So thank you, my Second English Teacher, for telling me that my writing gave you a headache.

Have you thanked your own second english teacher?

A ray of hope

When was the last time I've posted in this blog?

I took a hiatus from this blog, only to be active in another forum.

I've had crazy and life-changing experiences while I was out.

So why did I come back?

Simple.

Because I've posted a lot in here, it's too much of a hassle to start another one.

AND my office mate has inspired to blog before I purchase my own domain name.

It's good to be back. It's good to have your own space in the world wide web.

Adios!

I'm ditching this blog. I should have written this blog post a couple of weeks ago.
But I never had the time. Or should I say, I never made time.

Why quit?

I should start Why I began this blog.

Because I wanted to. I wanted to have a body of work---Writing work. I wanted to create my own space online. I had my own visual space online in deviantart. But I left.

I wrote last year to document my the recent happenings in my life.

I now write to share my thoughts.

....and it's precisely why I'm sharing my thoughts that I'm saying goodbye to this blog.

Ah, but I'm starting a new blog anyway.

What's the difference? Why start a new blog when I'm just going to do the same thing?

Privacy. Anonymity. 

Yep, I won't use my real name anymore.

But why?

Privacy. Anonymity. 

***

2015 was a roller-coaster year for me. A year full of new beginnings and endings:
I left my old job for a new job. I was rejected a US Visa. I ended a long year friendship. I started to study in graduate school. I listened to someone confess. I was burdened on how to handle the confession (should I tell or not). I decided not to interfere in another party's problems. I met someone whom I wanted to have a future with, and a few months later, that person now must go away because of the nature of his job. I met new friends. I started to have an interest in home-making. I started to take watercolor painting lessons. I started to have new dreams. I started to hope. I decided to stop chasing creativity and just, LIVE.

Our GS 101 teacher asked us during our first day, "What symbol would best represent you, and why did you choose that?" 

I answered "Sketchpad. Because it's full of possibilities, like me! I'm also full of possibilities."

So before I fill out that sketchpad, I must close this the old sketchpad. It's full. there are no more pages. I can't believe I'm writing this... but maybe it's a ritual.

Yeah, a ritual.

So adios,mi blog!

'Til I write to revive you again!

Candidate Moves

I always get killed when I play Final Fantasy Tactics. I hated Vagrant Hearts's gameplay.

But I loved Arc the Lad. It was probably the only tactical game I loved to play, and would spend hours on.

Why am I talking about tactical RPGs?

Because, Chess.

Tactical RPGs are like Chess. Every game is unique. It has opening moves. Certain Job classes have their own moves and skills.

 Did I mention that I suck at strategy games like chess?that's what.

James Altucher advocates Chess and Go. I like to learn Go. However, there aren't a lot of players where I live. Either there aren't, or I'm not searching hard. I'll assume there aren't any. But someone is bound to love chess in my area.

Chess. Altucher said, "Look for the candidate moves". he quoted that from another chess grandmaster (whose name I forgot).

What is a candidate move? It's a list of moves a piece can probably make.

I need to play chess, to enhance my thinking. to see the possible candidate moves in my life.

Last October 19, 2015, we had an activity that had a lot of... well, "small failures". Small failures that could have been prevented if, well, candidate moves had been predicted and counter moves were done.

Sadly, there weren't. And one of my biggest mistakes was I didn't learn how to think of the candidate moves.

It sucks. And it's part of learning.

Candidate moves.

A Financial Guidepost

On September 2014, I made the crucial decision to invest in the stock market.

Armed with Bo Sanchez's advice from his books, I subscribed to the Truly Rich Club and opened an account with COL Financial.

I've been investing for a year and a month now. Has my life changed? Yes and No.

No, I am not yet a millionaire. I have yet to save a lot of money and create a business to reach a million.

But my life has subtly changed. Many years ago, I had no idea what the stock market was. I had no idea that you could earn an income,aside from your day job. The stock market, for me, seemed like a jungle. It was reserved for those who knew how to handle money (which is true).

And it was scary! I had no one to guide me, except for a popular lay preacher and several financial literacy blogs.

After reading Brian Kim (another great self-help improvement blogger) and Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich", I took the jump.

I only had Php 5,000.00 to lose. I cared for my future. I wanted to create a  difference in my life. I was financially illiterate, until I read about financial literacy and bought every book about it.  Better do something than nothing, right?

So I invested 5,000.00 monthly. Gosh, it would have been a waste. Look at the number of luxury and gadgets I could afford! (but I don't buy a lot. I only need a few things to be happy. A notebook and a pen... and internet connection). The story of the grasshopper and the Ant motivated me, that setting aside a portion of my take home pay would make a difference.

After I made the jump and shared my experience with the stock market: all those color red and green, all the dips and leaps my stocks made, all the joy and frustration when I seemed to lose money...

Eventually, a couple of my officemates heard I was already investing in the stockmarket. They would approach me and ask several questions (who's your broker,what is COL Financial, Is it legit, how much have you earned, have you sold...). Eventually, they would ask me how to send their applications to COL Financial, or what stocks to buy. I never pressured them to subscribe to the truly rich club, nor COL Financial.I just narrated my experience, and what I believed in.

It feels weird. A happy kind of weirdness. 

One officemate thanked me that I shared my experiences. She was contemplating to join the stock market scene too. She thought it was not legit... until I came. 

I can't help but smile. At least, in my own little way, with my simple knowledge, I was able to help. I was able to be a source of inspiration. I was able to be a financial guidepost, all thanks to the books and blogs I read about financial literacy.

***I've realized that this has become a sort of testimony for the Truly Rich Club and COL Financial. I just wanted to express my gratitude somewhere. What better place than in my own blog?

10 ideas on what i don't know

What do I get when i mix Think like a Freak (to admit what you do not know, but I can learn, right?) and James Altucher's 10 ideas a day? Inspiration for Idea sex.

Here are my 10 ideas: ideas written on paper that I will dispose,  but ideas I will immortalize in my blog. I hope that one day, maybe one day, I will be able to... succeed! Act on one of them and do something about it.

1. I don't know how to cook yummy food.
2. I don't know how to finish a planned project.
3. I don't know how and where to meet people with common interest.
4. I don't know how to sustain a relationship (friendly, casual, romantic ones).
5. I don't know how to manage my time properly.
6. I don't know how to be a proper or great, or well functioning administrative assistant.
7. I don't know the entire procurement process (related to my work, but I'm hanging by).
8. I don't know the answers to a lot of questions.
9. I don't know how to plan projects, especially when it is asked of me. (no wonder I wasn't a good leader in elementary and highschool).
10. I don't how and what it means to give my all and succeed.
11. I don't know how to be a proper nurse.

*why is there number 11? Because when you exercise the idea muscle... everything starts to flow