Morning Pages to the Rescue!

With the recent events in my life, I have armed myself with a blue pen and a blue notebook. With my equipment, I have begun to write Morning Pages again.

The Morning Pages is an exercise I accidentally discovered 5 years ago. The idea originated from Julia Cameron's best-selling book "The Artist's Way." It’s straight from the head writing. 3 pages long-hand, stream-of-thought writing. It’s writing whatever comes out of your head, and you cannot censor what you write. You just write them on the paper, even if it seems nonsense. It’s done after waking up.I discovered them during a period where I was in troubled relationship with a man. 5 Years later, I now find myself troubled in a relationship with another man. Morning Pages to the rescue!

I started to write them since 2010 and they have often evolved to “Afternoon Pages”, “Evening Pages”, “Love Letters to God”,  or “Journal Book”. I have filled 5 hard bound notebooks since 2010. I started from writing 3 pages daily, to writing a day’s worth of 2-5 pages of conscious journaling.

Yet writing and pouring all your thoughts on paper after waking up, fresh from waking up, is a different matter.

Since starting the morning pages, I have taught myself to wake 30 minutes earlier.

What am I hoping to get from this activity? Healing? Recovery? Answers? God? My buried passion for the creative arts?That my life will change? That I will discover a profound truth about life, and that fact will absolutely change me?

So far, all I’m getting are complaints. Complaints of writing the pages. Daily troubles. Ruminations of what’s happening to my life. Complaints of my daily struggles. My life is filled with them, according to the pages.

No signs of creativity or whatsoever.

But still, I continue to write. I will still write. It is a commitment I made to myself.

To write the morning pages, 3 pages daily. To save myself. To discover myself. To heal myself. To reflect on my choices and decisions.

…One day and 3 pages at a time.