Bodyweight Issues: A reflection

I was about to leave the office premises with my officemate, Bogs. We planned to go to the local gym 3 blocks away from our office.

Beside the exit gate, a senior officemate looked at our direction and called my attention. "You know, you've grown big. Whatever you're doing, please stop it. You look good the way you look now."( rough translation from our dialect to English)

Since she was several years my senior, I smiled and politely replied. "Oh, that's just muscle!" But you know what she did? She insisted on her earlier statement. That had me pondering.

Truth is, my weighing scale tells me I have grown bigger. When I entered the office in 2013, I was 52 kg. Since then, my weight fluctuated from 50-53 kg. I have an on-off relationship with the gym ( #1 reason is that it is pricey) Then one day, after doing bodyweight exercises.... I saw I was 56kg.

Holy shit, what am I doing?

I've read countless blogs telling me that the scale lies. It could be 56 kgs of fat... or muscle. Darn it. Did the additional 3 kg come from fat... or muscle? I have absolutely no idea.

And I have belly fat. God knows you can't spot reduce fat.

So while we were walking to the gym,  I suddenly told Bogz. "You know, it's very funny. When I was 12, I was as thin as you. Like really thin! I almost resembled a skeleton!. I was 46kg back then. People told me I was too thin. When I was 14, people told me it was good that I had gained weight. I was finally 50kg. Now that I'm in my early-mid 20s, people tell me that I shouldn't get too fat, that I already look good."

I went from skin and bones, to appropriate weight, to whoa-you're already-appropriate-what-are-you doing-with-your-body.

 What ticked me off was my senior's perception on how my body should look. As if their opinion is the basis for my body's fate.  Kinda ironic how I'm like that as well... I behave as if my opinion is always right. Hahaha. Shadow projection there!

When I was 50-52 kg, I could hardly push myself from the ground, nor could I deadlift, nor could I do some barbell squats. Yet at 56kg, I can perform 10 pushups, I can perform bench presses, barbell squats, barbell deadlifts, overhead presses...... etc

Yet I've noticed that everytime I pick the weights, some unsuspecting harmless friend/acquaintance casually tells me I've gained weight.

I bet I can perform more pushups than they can.

My experience today gently reminded me of learning to be more appreciative of my body. 

I know I'm not that sexy. I don't have that prized 6 pack. My skin tone is uneven because I start to walk a lot. My My 1st molar is gone. My teeth isn't pearlywhite. I'm not flawless. I've had a belly fat as long as I can remember.

But my body has been very supportive of the physical endeavors I do. 

It helped me carry heavy objects. It helped me push my bodyweight off the ground. It helped me stay warm when the aircon is too cold to bear. It helped me stay fit. It helped me reach the destination I want.  It helped me perform my activities of daily living. Yes, name all the activities I could do with my body!

Yet what does my body hear from me? "Oh my God, my belly is fat." "My arms are so... fluffy"

I think it's time I give due credit for my body for the support it has given me all these years. After all, I do thank my belongings for supporting my lifestyle. Why shouldn't I show the same gratitude for my body?

* I know how thanking your belongings sound... weird. It's a practice I learned from reading Marie Kondo. It made sense for me. Thanking my belongings made me appreciate them and that taught me to handle them with respect. Pre-Kondo days, I would just toss my shirts inside my cabinet. Nowadays, I take time to fold my clothes. Yup, my clothes look better, and my cabinet does not look bad either!